In this episode of the She Finds Joy podcast, Kim talks with Delia Perry, the host of the weekly podcast Girls 4 Greatness. Her popular podcast aims to build listeners’ personal confidence and belief in their ability to change, grow, and live the life they were truly meant to live.
In the first part of the episode, Delia shares her struggles with self-esteem and worthiness that she’s experienced throughout her life. For much of her life, she felt like the way she looked controlled everything—even her marriage. Today, Delia leads us to rediscover the greatness we have inside of ourselves and helps us bring it into the world. She walks us through how to tune into our authentic selves and find where our strengths lie.
Inside This Week’s Episode
In today’s episode, Kim and Delia talk about…
- Why Delia’s appearance became such a big part of who she is, why it carried into her marriage.
- The comparison game that destroys us from the inside out.
- Where our thought patterns come from and how to transform them.
- Why we need to take 100% responsibility for our lives.
- How to choose warriorhood over victimhood.
- How to stop self-sabotage and get back to your “real” self.
“It’s so important for women to get in touch with the little girls they were and to find those dreams again.” —Delia Perry
Delia Perry has always had a passion for motivating and encouraging others. She was thrilled to bring her strengths to her podcast, Girls 4 Greatness. On this weekly podcast, Delia interviews other women who have overcome their own struggles in order to find success and fulfillment in their life. She highlights how her guests are using their own greatness to make an impact in the world. Girls 4 Greatness exists to build confidence and belief in others ability to change, grow and live the life they were truly meant to live.
Kim Strobel is Chief Happiness Officer at Kim Strobel Live Events and Retreats. She is a teacher, consultant, motivational speaker, happiness coach, and a mission-minded person whose passion is helping others overcome their fears and discover their joy!
Kim Strobel 00:01
Welcome to the she finds joy podcast where I teach you how to step into the arena of bigness, all the while creating more joy along the way. That’s right. We are capable of reclaiming our power, our purpose, our boldness and bravery, and putting our bigness into the world. I’m Kim Strobel, your truth telling Real Talk happiness coach who believes in giving you the tools to create a life you really love. After all, when we’re playing in our arenas of bigness, life gets better as we get older. So buckle up for the no BS zero fluff advice that gives you the small steps for big joy. Hello, everyone. I am so excited to welcome Delia Perry to the show today Delia has always had a passion for motivating and encouraging others and she was thrilled to bring her strengths to her path. Cast which I was lucky enough just to be on called girls for greatness. I love that name on her weekly podcast delegate interviews other women who have overcome their own struggles in order to find success and fulfillment in their life. I love that. And she resides in Toledo, Ohio. You’re next to me, Dahlia. I know. Well, what are the chances? I can’t believe it. What are the chances? You’re a little Midwest girl now you weren’t always. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the show. I’m happy to have you here.
Delia Perry 01:33
Thank you so much, Kim. It’s an honor.
Kim Strobel 01:36
You are welcome. Well, let’s just dive right in. I want to know who are you? What do you do? What’s your journey? I know you were a former high school teacher. So like me, we have the teacher thing in common but tells you who you are now and how you got there.
Delia Perry 01:54
Thanks. Thank you so much. Well, I like you said I live in Toledo, Ohio. I was Born and raised in Iowa, so a very small, small town. I still have a lot of family back in Iowa. But I yeah, I have two kids who are 14 and 10, who keep me moving all the time and a husband obviously, who I’ve been married to now for almost 23 years. So it’s very exciting anniversary is coming up. But in addition to all of that, yes, like you said, I was a former teacher. And kind of, you know, after I left teaching, when I started a family, I kind of dabbled in different things, different businesses, so to speak, that I was trying to do from home, I kind of have an athletic background as an athlete in high school and in college, and that played a really huge role in who I am and actually a big role I think even in and why I started the podcast itself, but I like I said, I dabbled in different things. Eventually just kind of realized that I really, you know, had a passion for motivating and inspiring other women and being an encouragement and have always kind of felt like that was something I lean towards in my life and was always seen as someone who was positive, someone who was uplifting and really wanted to find a way that I could use those gifts, you know, in to the best of my ability and you know, as finding just different roadblocks with different things I was trying with businesses, but just decided, you know, I want to kind of do my own thing. I want to make this into a passion project of my own and eventually landed on podcasting and have been able to build a really great community and have just learned so much from every single guest I’ve had on and it’s just been an amazing, amazing journey in a way for me to just pour into the lives of others.
Kim Strobel 03:53
I love that. So first of all, I have to back up and know what because I’m an athlete too. So what did you play in college,
Delia Perry 03:59
I played, I played volleyball and softball, primarily volleyball. Oh, So it was it was great. It was a great experience. I had a really really awesome team in high school and college. But you know, I struggled my struggle with self esteem and my struggle with I think, my own issues and myself started started then. And that was just something that, you know, I
Kim Strobel 04:46
Don’t you think that most women struggle from low self esteem?
Delia Perry 04:50
Yeah, Yeah, I do. I do in one way, shape in some way, shape, or form. I mean, I think we all have these probably times when maybe we struggle a bit more than others. But I think I’ve yet to meet a woman that doesn’t, you know, have some issue or some time in their life where they’ve struggled with comparison or struggled with, you know, just accepting themselves for who they are.
Kim Strobel 05:16
And so let’s personalize yours a little bit. Tell me a little bit about what your self esteem struggles were and how they affected your life because I want to know that and then then I want to know, do they still pop up from time to time? And then I want to know how you’ve been able to get a little bit better at that along yours.
Delia Perry 05:35
Yeah, um, well for me. You know, I’ve told this story many times, but I, I, I’ve always felt like my self esteem up until college was really intact. I was really fortunate. I had a great upbringing. Really good friends. We had a really healthy competition between all of us and it wasn’t so much about comparison. It was just about pushing each other to be our best. And that kind of went south. You know, I’ll say when I got to college and I think my, just my awareness of my body, my weight was really brought to the forefront just from just team practices that we had in place that we were, you know, weighing in, we were, you know, put on different regimens as athletes and it just really wreaked havoc on my own self esteem. But what I took from that was just, I think, just this heightened awareness that that was supposed to be a big part of who I who I am and I carried that you know, well beyond college into my adult years into my marriage for years and years and struggled with you know, not feeling good enough constantly comparing just really not liking myself and playing this game of you know, if I could only be this way if I could only be This way, if I could only do this or do that, then I would be, I’ll be happy or I’ll be happy, you know, I’ll be content or, you know, whatever. So it was just, it was, it was a long road and I eventually, you know, just ended up doing a lot of self development, a lot of work myself, on my mindset and on kind of figuring out where my thought patterns had come from, and owning a lot of that myself because, you know, whatever was done or said to me, whatever, in college, you know, yes, I, you know, it wasn’t ideal, but what, you know, I took from that, what I internalized what I was continually repeating to myself, those tapes, those, you know, words, whatever, that was all on me and that was something I had to really own and realize that I had more control over my thought process than I was really giving myself credit for and and, you know, was doing You know, on a daily basis, so it was it was changing those words, it was changing those messages or things I was telling myself and, and really, you know, choosing to really get to the heart of who I was as a person and, and make that my focus. And so that’s been, you know, a big part of how I think I’ve moved through and beyond those years. I still like you said, You know, I do have days I do have times where I struggle, and I can feel myself slipping back into that mentality of being maybe too outwardly focused or you know, just not being as kind to myself as I can be and being you know, really hard on myself and and I think it’s just I’ve learned different tools and when different ways of coping, you know, it’s not like the struggle has gone away. It’s just my ability to snap myself out of it and to shift my focus Is, is a lot greater now.
Kim Strobel 09:02
Yeah, you know, I interviewed Kelly Travis who was on the podcast a few weeks ago and she was a college athlete as well a runner. And it’s, I’m hearing this story more often than not that you know her coach in I mean, she was extremely that thin little Runner’s body. But her coach made her feel, you know, if she gained an ounce of fat or if she gained a pound, or she didn’t keep this totally sleek body, and it actually wreaked havoc on her for a lot of years. But she developed an eating disorder. She then chose a husband who berated her and, and she too has been able to claw her way out of it. But you know, when you’re so influenced at such a young age by another person’s words, but then it sounds like you took your power back by saying, Hey, I don’t have to believe this story anymore and instead I can believe what I want to tell myself. That’s really empowering. So I think that this does happen you know for me my self esteem similar story but but different you know I go back to when I was in seventh grade and I can still see this moment I was up in the neighborhood Berglund hills with a group of girls and I was at that point I was never part of like the popular girls I was just like more of the middle crowd but I just so wanted to be one of them. And so we were all we do this crazy thing in Indiana. I don’t know if you do it in Ohio, but we TP we toilet paper. Yeah, people’s homes and all and so we were all doing that. And you know, I was taught by the leader girls that I have only to follow along and do everything that they want to do. And I remember the exact corner I remember the light post where I had an opinion on where we should go next and one of the girls in the group slapped me across the face. Wow. And, and I took it, I did nothing. And I think like, for me, that’s one of the moments where I felt. This is what like, I really am a piece of crap. And you I already felt that way compared to you all. But now I know it because now you’ve humiliated me. And I stood there and took it. And I think that, that, again, we have these little moments may create these stories around who we are. And it’s up to us to break the story to break. I love how you said that to break the thought patterns that were happening as a result of what someone else said or did or told you about yourself.
Delia Perry 11:48
Right? Yeah, for sure. And it’s not it’s not easy to do. It’s, I think I really think that a big part of it for me was realizing that The blame, you know, the blame thing that we do a lot in our lives, it doesn’t work because it keeps us stuck. It keeps us you know, in this state of defense and constantly having to, you know, we revert back and say, Well, if such and such wouldn’t happen, or this wouldn’t have happened, then, you know, I’d be different, you know, well, yeah, maybe that’s true. And I know there’s many, many listening who’ve endured way worse, you know, situations than, you know, maybe what I’ve gone through or you’ve gone through, but it’s not to minimize it. I mean, we all have our pain, we all have our things that we’ve gone through, but whatever we take from that, you know, is, is kind of on us, you know, in terms of our mental awareness and what we choose to internalize.
Kim Strobel 12:51
I was watching Tony Robbins has this thing on Netflix, it’s like documentary called, I am not your guru. And I was watching it this weekend and there’s this phrase and I’m going to chop it up. But he basically believes that whatever has happened to you has not happened to you that it’s happened for you. Because you would not be the human being with the strength with the resiliency. Not that any of us would choose that hard road. But if it has happened to us, I think that that’s we get to choose, am I going to be a victim of this for the rest of my life? Or am I going to be the warrior? Am I going to rise up and say, let me show you what I can do with this nastiness that happened to me. And let me show you how I can turn it into something meaningful and purposeful. Yeah, sounds like that’s what you’ve done.
Delia Perry 13:43
Yeah, for sure. For sure. I agree. 100%.
Kim Strobel 13:47
And really, that’s been your mission then? Because with So when did you launch your podcast?
Delia Perry 13:52
I launched my podcast. It’ll be two years in July.
Kim Strobel 13:57
And do you do an episode every single week.
Delia Perry 14:00
Because I do, yeah.
Kim Strobel 14:01
And I love so you named it GIrls 4 Greatness. And at first when I saw that, I was thinking, Oh, she really tailors to young girls, which that is something that you have to work for. But I want you to explain why you named it girls for greatness. Because when you did that before, to me, I was like, that is so awesome. So that you want people to understand the type of man who, who listened to your podcast.
Delia Perry 14:27
Yeah, I mean, I really considered naming women for greatness. But I liked the girls for greatness, like the two G’s together, but really, it was about two, yes, wanting to incorporate that younger age group, but also just the fact that I think as women you know, we have things that we take on in our lives, things that we go through all of us as individuals, and yet I feel like there’s this point where we sometimes need to stop and think back to you know, Who we were as a girl as a teen as a whatever it like, What? What were our dreams? Who who what kind of personality did we have? Before I always had to say this, you know, who were you before the world told you who you had to be? You know. And so I think that’s just that’s kind of at the heart of why another reason why I chose that name, the name girls for greatness, you know, it’s just coming back to who wereally, truly are.
Kim Strobel 15:26
I love that. I think that that is every woman’s work, you know, like, we do start to abandon ourselves. For everyone else, we abandon ourselves, for our kids, we abandon ourselves, for our spouse or a partner, we abandon ourselves for our career. And I do feel like as women we become really lost from who we really are. And I know when you interviewed me for your podcast, you asked the question, what are three words to describe who Kim Strobel really is? And like that was such a good question. Because do we take the time to figure out like, Who were you before you jumped on this hamster wheel of doo doo doo and accomplish, accomplish accomplish and be a mother and be a partner and you know, be a wife and be a career woman and all of those things. And like, you don’t just have to lose those pieces of yourself anymore even while you’re raising children. Would you agree?
Delia Perry 16:29
Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah, I say a lot on my my show that you know, who we are the heart of who we are gets so lost in the day to day grind and the day to day of our whole lives and what we’re thrown at, you know, with media and and everything else. I mean, I feel like as women, especially and men, men, too, but women and since we’re talking about that, you know, our attention is pulled in so many different directions. And we wear so many hats, we have so many different roles that, you know, we rarely take the time to pause and really think about who we are. And that’s, that’s been a key for me. And a key point that I’ve tried to really make with other women is that you have to take that time to pause, you have to take that time to quiet your mind and to to whether it’s meditate or pray or sit in silence. I mean, I’ve done them all and they’re all you know, serve a purpose of just slowing down.
Kim Strobel 17:35
So I believe that I, I have this quote, and I it’s that, you know, women are expected to raise children as if they don’t have a career. Mm hmm. And they are expected to work a career as if they don’t have children. And this is why we’re all so freakin stressed out, because I get generations of women before us, they were responsible for raising the children, the household, everything in the house cleaning, baking, cooking, you know, doing the shopping, all of those things. But nowadays, many women also have a career, but yet nothing has been taken off of their plate. And so what we have to do as women, even while we have little kids and we’re raising them is we have to know that we have the permission to claim more space in our world that is for us, like I am a woman to who had dreams and aspirations and got to have parts of her life before I took on all these roles. So how do we really encourage women to do that? Do you have any tips for how to encourage woman women to know that like they’re not selfish for taking care of themselves?
Delia Perry 18:55
I think, Well, two things. Number one is: You’ve got to have a self care routine, meaning Yes, inward as much as outward. But when I say that, I just mean something for you. Because you’re, if you’re not filling your tank in whatever way, shape or form that is, you’re really selling yourself short and your ability to be there for others. And, you know, you I’ve always felt like, you know, I am not the same wife, same mother, the same anything, if I am running on empty for too long, and, you know, that comes in all different forms, too. I mean, I’m not just talking about making time for exercise or whatever I’m talking about, you know, taking time to do things that you love, you know, whether it’s reading or even just like I said, slowing down and taking time to meditate or what whatever it is for you. It’s just realizing that that’s not being selfish. That that’s a big Part of, of making you the best you that you can be.
Kim Strobel 20:04
Well, I’m going to interrupt you a minute because I worked with a woman who forgot that she loved to listen to music, because she was raising three kids. And she started to cry the day it was like she realized that she hadn’t played and listened to music on her own for like 15 years. And she’s like, Kim, I used to love that. Why did I take that away from myself? Like, that’s what rejuvenated my soul. And so I love that you’re saying we’re not just talking like get out and exercise or, you know, do your daily gratitude but like, having the woman really pause and reflect and think like, what would I do for fun right now, if I didn’t have any of these responsibilities, and then how can I work that into my schedule? So I think I love that you differentiated that?
Delia Perry 20:52
Yeah, yeah. I think another big piece. I mean, just from what you were saying earlier to that I wanted to touch on is When you figure out, I think, who you are, what’s important to you? Where your priorities are all of these things like you come back to maybe the heart of who you are as a person. I think the second difficult piece in that, at least I’ve experienced and I will say, I think some of the people I’ve talked to would say the same as you have to learn that. You don’t owe anybody an apology for that, whatever that is for you. Because I think a lot of us, you know, myself included as a woman, I am a huge people pleaser, and I really hate conflict and confrontation. I’ve always been that way. But I’ve also realized that no one’s gonna live my life the way I’m going to live it. And I don’t owe anybody an explanation for why I choose to do the things I do and the way I choose to do them.
Kim Strobel 21:57
Where are you my friend 25 years ago when you hear that messy
Delia Perry 22:02
Yeah, I know. Well, this is like, you know, something I’ve just taken on really strongly for myself in the last year. I mean, because we still, you know, even you know, Kim, you’re very driven. We know, entrepreneur, you know, I’m doing what I’m doing with my podcasts, but sometimes things don’t look the way we think they’re gonna look or go the way we think they’re gonna go because we are measuring or we’re holding ourselves to the standards that other people have set. But you can’t do that. Because you’re not it’s who you are. That way you’re doing it.
Kim Strobel 22:34
Like you’re taking me right back to when I left my first husband, we had a two month old child and I left you know, divorced him. And I spent the next five years going around and justifying and explaining it because people felt like bait mode and explanation. So when you said that I just got like goosebumps all over my body because that just sucked the life out of me and I Very few people deserved an explanation.
Delia Perry 23:03
Yeah, that’s what we want to do we always want to explain. I mean, I do that with my parent my kids. I’m just like, I have to put my hair in my mouth because I want to over explain instead of just being like, no, you’re not doing that.
Kim Strobel 23:17
I love it is such good advice. Oh my gosh, I love this conversation. We could go on forever and ever, but we’re not going to be the same. I’m just gonna have to have you back on. We’re going to go great. deeper into some of this. Yeah, but what I want to know I want to know a couple things. tell people where to find you tell them
Delia Perry 23:34
Oh, thanks. You Girls 4 Greatness. It’s number four. So it’s girls for greatness. Calm is the website and you can also find me on Instagram under girls for greatness. And the same on Facebook.
Kim Strobel 23:47
I love that. Yeah. So we’ll drop that in the show notes. But again, it’s girls and then the number four, and then the word greatness and then I end each one of my episodes by asking the interview. He has How are you Dahlia reaching for more joy in your life right now?
Delia Perry 24:04
Hmm, good question. Well, I think for me the big thing right now, in the midst of, quite frankly, having more thrown on my plate in some ways having my kids home now, and now going into summer is taking time to sit in silence, which is something I’m just starting to practice. I’m not even talking about maybe meditating or it’s just like, calming my mind. If I can do that for five minutes, sometimes I’ll set a timer on my phone and just go somewhere in the house or outside and just close my eyes and sit and listen. That’s been a really, really big source of joy For me, I think it just brings me back to the present moment. being grounded in the present moment.
Kim Strobel 25:05
That’s good. And it’s it’s going to be a struggle at first all the fear come in, but it gets better, doesn’t it?
Delia Perry 25:11
It does. It does. For sure of that.
Kim Strobel 25:14
So creating a little space to just simply be.
Delia Perry 25:17
Yeah, I think being it brings you back to the power of the moment. And that’s another thing I really, I think, what I can I can get my mind in that space more consistently of focusing just on today, focusing just on the moment at hand, what I’m doing where I’m at who’s in front of me is my attention there. It makes life a lot more joyful in this app, but then I’m always focused on what’s next. Tomorrow, two weeks from now.
Kim Strobel 25:51
That takes so much inner Yeah. I love that. I love that. Well, thank you so much for like just your tools, strategies, your insight, and I know I can’t wait to pull a couple of these powerful things that you said out and make them into quotes because they really resonated with me and I know they’re going to resonate with my audience. So thank you for your time and your wisdom today. Thank you so much, Kim. We did it. Thank you so much for listening in on the she finds joy podcast today. I’m honored to share this space with you and I hope you keep showing up as the real you in this world. As always, this conversation will be continued in our free private Facebook group. You can join that group by going to Kim Strobel comm forward slash she finds joy to connect with other joy seekers just like you.