How the People You Surround Yourself With Help You Achieve Your Goals
Want to grow, change, succeed? You need a tribe.
A study that tracked 12,000 people for thirty-two years found that “a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57% if he or she had a friend who became obese.” But the reverse is true, too. If your partner starts eating healthy and losing weight, there’s a 33% chance you will as well.
Human beings are herd animals. We all strive to fit in, to bond with others, to earn their respect and approval. Your ancestors lived in tribes … and if they were cast out or somehow separated from that tribe, it was often a death sentence.
It’s “The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives” mentality.
In days past, being part of a tribe increased safety, provided access to resources that individuals would never have known about, and offered the opportunity to learn and collaborate with others. This desire to belong and surround oneself with a like-minded community also had a powerful influence on individuals’ behaviors.
(Remember … you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with!)
I want you to think about the people you choose to surround yourself with. Now think about the habits you’re picking up from them.
Oh, you think you choose your own habits? Well, you don’t! Our habits are actually inherited from friends and family, from our schoolmates or church community, from society in general.
These habits determine not just small behaviors, but big things like the age we should get married, how many children we should have, which holidays we should celebrate, our choices in careers, homes, cars. We pick up these habits for better or worse.
In his book, Atomic Habits, author James Clear identifies three distinct groups whose habits you imitate:
1. The Close (proximity)
2. The Many
3. The Powerful
You’ll notice that “The Close” is at the top of that list. That means your environment is shaping you in some really big ways!
Proximity is Powerful
There’s no denying we pick up habits from the people around us. We copy the way our parents handle arguments or the ways our family shows affection. We mimic the eating habits of our peers and participate in the same behavior (both positive and negative) of our coworkers.
I find that I often subconsciously imitate the behavior of those around me. In a conversation, I’ll automatically assume the body posture of the other person. If someone is speaking with an accent, I notice a similar accent creeping into my own speech.
Evaluate Your Network, Elevate Your Life
If the people you surround yourself with are low achievers or negative or unsupportive … chances are, you’re going to soak up those same qualities.
But if you’re part of a community of badass women who are joyful … who are physically or mentally fit … who are strivers … who are making a million dollars … who have strong relationships. Yep, you’re gonna start practicing the same habits they do—and start seeing the same spectacular results!
One of the best things you can do to elevate your life is to join a culture where your desired behavior and outcomes are the norm. Last year I joined a mastermind for female entrepreneurs. It was a BIG investment of money, time, and effort. But I know that the fastest way to increase my own success in life is to be around other women who are doing the same work.
These ladies have helped me raise the ceiling of what I previously thought was possible in my life. They helped me create a new professional (and personal identity) that is aligned with how I want to show up in the world—my “big-ness” and all!
See … growth and change are not individual pursuits. To achieve your own maximum potential, you must work together—rise together—with others who are pursuing the same goals. And who can offer you support, encouragement, empowerment.
Stick With Your Tribe to Achieve Your Goals
Happiness researcher Shawn Achor says that most humans utilize only 10% of their potential. But you can reach for more than 10% by surrounding yourself with the right people.
“Success and happiness are not competitive sports,” says Achor. “Rather, they depend almost entirely on how well we connect with, relate to, and learn from each other.”
When you surround yourself with “your people,” the group begins to take on a shared identity—and that shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity. The shared identity seeps into your cells and creates a whole new reality of what is possible in your life.
This is also why remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to managing your habits and your success. Your tribe, your friendships, embed a new identity and help behaviors last over the long run.
Whereas, once upon a time, we depended on our tribes for security and sustenance, now we depend on our tribes for success! So … who do you want in YOUR tribe?
FIND YOUR TRIBE: I created my RISE UP program as a tribe for women who are ready to invest in themselves and work together to reclaim their passion, embrace their power, and live their purpose. Think you have what it takes to be part of this powerful community? Fill out a short application to see if you qualify for a FREE coaching call and let’s talk about your options!