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In today’s episode of the She Finds Joy podcast, Kim speaks with Renae Fieck. Renae is a shameless mom of three, an occupational therapist, and an advocate for moms who desire more grace, space, and rest within their lives. She has found strength beyond her own to navigate life’s struggles—multiple miscarriages, life with three kids, working mom life, stay-at-home mom life, and a husband suffering a brain tumor and seizures.
Renae is the founder of the Rising Moms Club. It’s a community for moms who are ready to RISE ABOVE the chaos and overwhelm of life and busy days, and trade exhaustion and the never-ending to do list for a life with more joy! She is also the host of the annual More than Mom Summit, The Great Clutter Clear Out Challenge, and the Rising Moms Podcast.
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Inside This Week’s Episode, listen to Renae share:
Kim discusses the effects of holding on to grudges when they are, in fact, quite painful to maintain:
Her rockbottom moment as a mother.
How to create your mom-life with intention.
How to keep your house somewhat clean and keep your sanity in just 15 minutes per day.
Why shedding physical items will help you declutter your mental health and get your house back.
“Taking care of yourself as a mother matters.”
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Kim Strobel is Chief Happiness Officer at Kim Strobel Live Events and Retreats. She is a teacher, consultant, motivational speaker, happiness coach, and a mission-minded person whose passion is helping others overcome their fears and discover their joy!
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Kim Strobel 00:01
Welcome to the she finds joy podcast where I teach you how to step into the arena of bigness, all the while creating more joy along the way. That’s right. We are capable of reclaiming our power, our purpose, our boldness and bravery, and putting our bigness into the world. I’m Kim Strobel, your truth telling Real Talk happiness coach who believes in giving you the tools to create a life that you really love. After all, when we’re playing in our arenas of bigness, life gets better as we get older. So buckle up for the no BS zero fluff advice that gives you the small steps for big joy. Welcome to today’s podcast episode, I am interviewing Renae Fieck and I want to tell you a little bit about her. She is a mama of three, an occupational therapist and an advocate for moms who desire more Grace, space and rest within their lives. I love that grace space and rest. Wow, we’re allowed to rest as mamas I can do this. Yes. She has found strength beyond her own to navigate life’s struggles including multiple miscarriages, life with three kids, working mom life stay at home mom life and a husband with a brain tumor and seizures. She is the founder of the rising moms club, a community for moms who are ready to rise above the chaos and overwhelm of life and busy days. Trade exhaustion and the never ending to do list for a life with more joy. You can see why I have asked her to come on to the she finds joy podcast because this is also in my area and my zone of genius but there is a really big difference between Renae and I, which is why I wanted to have her on today’s episode, and it’s the fact that I for the most part in an empty nester, and I have all of these mamas who are like Kim, I still have two year olds and three year olds and seven year olds. And so I can’t wait Renae to have you on and really just yeah about some of these things. So welcome.
Renea Fieck 02:22
Yeah, I’m super excited to be here. It’s been amazing to see how much like our messages align, but yet how they are different and they just like complement each other. So well.
Kim Strobel 02:31
Yeah, you are the young blood that’s needed right now for my audience. I mean, I remember like little fingers under the door and hiding in the bathroom and trying to get a moment of grace. But I don’t have hardly any of that to deal with anymore. And my mom is listening to this are like, how did you do it, Kim? So I want to back up a little bit. And I want you just to tell me a little bit more about like how how did did you have, Like a rock bottom moment, like what led you to decide to create a business around serving mothers?
Renea Fieck 03:08
Yeah, so, I had always envisioned that motherhood was going to be this most amazing fun thing. I loved being a nanny. I love being around kids. I worked around kids like my whole life. I’ve just always thought kids and motherhood were going to be awesome. And I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be like my full time gig. Like I wanted to be able to work too. So I knew all along. I didn’t want to be that stay at home mom, but I really thought like, motherhood is just gonna be awesome. Like, I’m gonna it’s gonna be just so much fun. And I would say that probably the first baby was fine and I felt like I managed it. Well, I was having a good time hanging out with friends and getting together and then baby number two came and it got a little bit more complicated, but then it was by baby number three. It was the year that I got pregnant with her was the same year my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. So in that year, we were navigating all of those things. And I had to go back to work before I wanted to go back to work. And so I felt like I was the only person doing all the things like managing all of everything. That was the only driver for our family, taking people back and forth to work. I was driving my husband to work, I was driving me to work, I was driving this kids to school and like, doing all of that, and it was about six months after my third baby was born, that I was like, I can’t do this anymore.
Like, this is exhausting. And I’m frustrated. Like, I’m irritated with the kids. I feel like I’m snapping all the time. I’m yelling, I’m not enjoying this at all. This is not what motherhood was what I thought it’s not what I thought it was gonna be like, I don’t want to do this anymore. And I reached out to a couple of my friends and they said, I said, like, is this postpartum depression? Like, is this what this feels like? And they’re like, No, no, motherhood is just hard. This is just what it’s like.
Kim Strobel 04:56
And so that was kind of like suck it up Buttercup because yeah, infor right?
Renea Fieck 05:01
Right? And I was like, gosh, this is awful if this is if this is all there is for motherhood is like the survival mentality, right? And you hear that all the time, just like survive this season, get through it, like it may be a hard season, just put your head down and grind through it. And that’s what I did for that year. I put my head down and I grinded through it. And thank God for the few people that jumped in alongside of me, and helped kind of like carry me through that because I wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own. But it was that moment that I realized, like, I can’t do this, like I, we were in Hawaii on our 10 year anniversary trip. And I was like, I think I’ll stay here. I don’t, I don’t want to go home. I don’t want I’ll stay here. My husband can farewell he can be a single dad, he can take all three of them home and yet manage just fine and I’ll start over here and this next time around, I’m not going to do this motherhood thing. And so that was that moment. I was like I can’t do something different. I got to do something different.
Kim Strobel 05:56
What I love about that this, Renee because I’m all about having Just real honest conversations. And like, as mothers were allowed to say, like sometimes it really sucks being mom, or like, I’m not doing this in my next life because this is really like not what I put in for like, you know, we all all of us women and mothers have these feelings, but we kind of have this thing over our head that’s like, oh, we’re supposed to just act like we just love being mamas all of the time. You know, so I love that your truth in that statement, and just, those were your thoughts, because I think that there’s a lot of women who can be like, Renee, I have felt so bad about myself because I have those same thoughts too.
Renea Fieck 06:37
Yeah, yeah. Well, and then that does it starts that spiral of like, all the other moms are enjoying motherhood and I feel this way like what is wrong with me? Like if I’m feeling this crappy about being a mom and enjoying motherhood, but nobody else like all the other moms are having a grand old time like what is it that there’s what’s wrong with me like I’m just not cut out for this. And I remember Thinking that like, I’m just not cut out for this, this
Yeah, maybe it’s somebody else’s cup of tea, but this is not gonna work for me, you know. And so it was that moment that was when like my Nike said that rock bottom moment was like, I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve got to do something different.
Kim Strobel 07:16
Today’s episode is brought to you by me and my she finds joy program which launches again soon. This is the 90 day guided journey that unleashes your happiness and helps you fully step into your power as a woman, you will learn how to increase your happiness levels by up to 40% create more abundance and prosperity than you ever imagined. And fill your life with more joy, peace, harmony, clarity and self love, so that you can tap into the woman you are meant to be. I know that each and every one of us is capable of stepping into the arena of bigness, one daring day at a time. We are capable of reclaiming our power, our purpose, our passion, our boldness, our brand, bravery in our business in this world. And I’m here to help you do just that, because I’m a coach that gets results, because I created this framework out of my own darkness out of my own low self confidence levels out of my own scarcity mindset. And I was able to create a life that mirrors who I really am from the inside out, and let me tell you, it feels good. And you’re capable of it too. You can fill out our application for when we launch the next cohort, and we will see if you’re a good fit for me, and I’m a good good fit for you. You can fill out the application at Kim Strobel comm forward slash apply. So what did you do different?
Renea Fieck 08:45
Well, a variety of different things. And I tried to figure out like, what is it going to be like what’s going to work the best and then the biggest thing that worked for me was getting rid of all the stuff in my life that I knew I didn’t really want there. So that was it came from like I got home and it really I’m spending so many hours cleaning my house, picking up like that, that I feel like that was the little phrase that says like cleaning with kids is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos like, yeah, that that’s how it feels right? Like you’re constantly you turn around, it’s like, there’s a mess. There’s a mess. There’s a mess. Like I just cleaned that, where did that go? And so I realized how much that was weighing me down. Like that was how much how heavy that was. And so we started getting rid of a lot of stuff. And we started cleaning it out getting rid of it. decluttering and really just paring down. I wouldn’t never say that our house is minimalistic, but really like focusing on Do we really need this thing? Am I picking this thing up 90% of the time without even really feeling like we need this like all of these things.
Kim Strobel 09:44
And I when I step into that a little bit, I want to dig into that so Okay, so you you just decide that stuff, stuff things are overwhelming you so you, you reflect enough to be like this house and all the crap that’s in It that I’m always picking up that I’m always having to clean around. This is suffocating me. So you decide. So did you Marie Kondo your house? Is that what you did?
Renea Fieck 10:10
Um, no. I mean, I maybe I remember, I still have never read her book. I said, I’m not exactly sure what she teaches other than you only keep in your house wait sparks joy. But it really was about trying to figure out if I have less stuff, I’m going to spend less time cleaning it right. Like if you’re gradually picking something up and putting it away? What if you could gain that time back and there was a statistic that I read that said, by decluttering your house like getting rid of some of the stuff, you can reduce the amount of time you’re spending on cleaning up to 40%? So when I’ve asked most of my audience and women that I work with how many hours they’re spending in a day cleaning and organizing and sorting and doing all the things on the average, I would say it’s about five hours.
Kim Strobel 10:55
Oh my goodness, no wonder they’re wiped out, right.
Renea Fieck 10:58
So if we can get rid of That five, like, even just down to half of that. So maybe you’re not spending five hours and I teach moms how to do it in like 15 minutes a day. That’s my strategy. And my goal is like that you’re only spending 15 minutes a day cleaning. So if we’re taking it from five hours, to even half of that two hours, like how much time you can get back, like, what could you do with two hours? That maybe was more enjoyable than cleaning?
Kim Strobel 11:24
Okay, so can you give me some examples? Because like, I know, we’re all sitting here thinking like, because I’m a really good perjure Rene, and not only that, like, I purge I organize i got i get rid of stuff every six months, but we still have a ton of stuff. So when I hear you say this, I’m thinking like, what are some examples of some things that you saw
that you no longer needed that you got rid of? Give me some examples of that?
Renea Fieck 11:49
Well, I started with the things that were the most easy that wasn’t going to impact other people in my house, right? Because like trying to get all your kids and your spouse and like everybody on board is probably going to be One of the trickier parts. So I started with those areas that I could make the most amount of impact that was going to have as the least amount of impact on other people and then picked those few areas of the house that we’re going to that we’re going to bring in my sanity the most. So for me, it’s my kitchen, like I make a goal every single night, it doesn’t always happen, because that’s just life. But my goal is every single night when I go to bed, my entire kitchen counter is cleared off, the dishes are put in the dishwasher, so that when I wake up in the morning and come out to my kitchen and walk in and it’s clean, and it’s fresh, and I can get a cup of coffee, and you don’t feel like you’re starting your day with this constant To Do List already before you’ve even woke up and like really capturing those first few minutes of the day. Like that can make the biggest deal. So it’s really little like simple things like that, like can I, can I implement these things? And so, for me, it’s instead of cleaning off my kitchen counter and just like tucking things away, it’s always asking myself the question of do I really need this? Is this something that I really want to keep? Or am I just keeping it by default? And most of the time, we’re keeping things out of default. We’re not really, we’re not really like when you know, the kids toys when I pick up a kid’s toy up off the floor, I used to just put it right away. But now I’m always asking myself like, do we really need this? Is this something we really want to keep? Because if it’s not, then it can go. And so just constantly, I guess it’s those little habits each and every single day because you’re right, like you can go through and purge once every six months and get rid of a ton of stuff. The other thing is, is stuff always is keeping his way back in. Right?
Kim Strobel 13:33
Renea Fieck 13:34
There’s always stuff coming in. So it’s kind of those two fold pieces of constantly getting rid of stuff like every single day, just making it a part of your lifestyle, to be constantly cleaning out. Not just in your home but in your calendar and on your mind, which there’s a whole nother topic, but cleaning constantly choosing each and every single day, not just living by default.
Kim Strobel 13:56
Renea Fieck 13:56
And then being really intentional about what comes in. So setting those boundaries of what you’re allowing in rather than just letting things come in by default, so it’s really about intention rather than default.
Kim Strobel 14:08
Well, I love a couple of things that you said and one is so I, I am a more organized type of person. So as soon as the mail comes in, I immediately check every single envelope that is unnecessary. Whereas My husband is different. My husband would literally let the mail sit there all week long. And I don’t know that he would ever throw away the trash mail. Right? Yeah, so some of us are kind of wired differently. So what I like about that, though, is that you said you started with yourself because even though I feel like I’m a pretty super organized person, we have these two sisters in my town, Beth lasher, and Stacy Lagrange, and they created a business called Sister sorters. Renee, and they come to your house.
And they like, force you because even though like I’m this great perjure I think I am like they literally forced me To go through and really say like, Kim, here is a pair of Spanx. You have three pairs of Spanx. Kim, why do you need three pairs of Spanx? Which Which one? Oh, I always this one. But I paid $60 for those, you know? And Exactly, yes. And then what happens is you you start to gain momentum. And then maybe like the people in your family start to see it happening, and they’re ready to come on board. But I will tell you like my husband, when they came to do his stuff with him, he was like hauling half of the stuff back into our bedroom and back. You know, and like he really had to be coached like, is this something that is bringing you joy? Or is this really something that’s causing you stress? Or Scott, is this causing your wife stress?
Renea Fieck 15:45
Yes. Oh, and you brought up you brought up something that we haven’t talked about too, is that there’s lots of reasons why we hold on to our stuff. So there’s a lot and until you really kind of address some of that it’s going to be this kind of cycle over and over and over again. So, for Some people, it’s that emotion. There’s emotional ties to stuff like memories, or, you know, you have those sentimental items. You’re like, oh, but this was my great grandmother. There’s something out there and I can’t get rid of it. But for a lot of people, it’s tied to things like fears. So maybe it’s a fear of money, like, will I have enough
money to buy this again in the future if I absolutely need it, or like you talked about, like, I spent the money on this already. I’m losing money by getting rid of this. And so that can also be tied to that fear of money, or the fear of unknowns of the future or whatever. So there’s, oftentimes there’s layers to it. It’s not just going through and getting rid of stuff but really, truly getting true, truthful with yourself and honest with yourself and reflecting what those fears and reasons why you might be holding on to things are so that you can truly let go of them.
Kim Strobel 16:49
Yeah, it is. So cleansing. I did read the Marie Kondo book, it’s such a teeny book and for those listening, I love because what happens is you do start with the things that are easier and you look Have to hold them in your hands and say, okay, like I’m going to give you a silly example but I think it will make sense. So I have like good kitchen dish towels and I have the kitchen dish towels that I don’t like they don’t absorb. They’re like super cheap. There’s like four of them. And so when I opened my drawer and I get to the crappy dish towels, I’m like, I know I can’t stand when I have to use these. And so her philosophy is like those those dish towels stupid dish towels are not bringing you joy, trash those suckers and buy for more because the energy what’s happening is you’re getting energy sucked out of you every time you see those shitty dish towels.
Renea Fieck 17:41
Kim Strobel 17:42
And so like when you’re talking about even how for you you know that you want to start your day off seeing a clean kitchen because that is the basis of like, everything productive for your day. It reminds me of another book called The slight edge, which taught me to make my bed every morning. Yep. Because every Every time you go into your bedroom and you’re like, Ah, there’s a messy bed up, there’s the nasty bed up. There’s the, you know, that like it sucks this energy and creativity from you and you don’t realize all of those things are draining you
Renea Fieck 18:12
100%. And I think it’s also like for me that like you said, making the bed I remember as a kid, I hated making my bed. It always felt like this chore that my mom made me do. And
so when I became an adult, I was like, I’m never making my bed. I’m not doing this. And then at one point, I somebody had read, or I had read somewhere, I don’t know, something clicked for me. That was like, gosh, making my bed isn’t actually it’s a form of self care. Because when I make my bed, I feel better. And so but in cleaning my kitchen, I feel better. It’s not necessarily like it’s transforming that thought process about what you’re doing and those things instead of thinking of them as chores, but seeing them as an act of self care, because when I make my bed and I walk into my bedroom, and it feels really good, I feel good. And so when I make my bed, I’m not sitting there thinking, Oh, I have to make my bed every single day. It’s like, nope, this is self care. Because when I do this, I feel better. And this is great. And so just transforming those chores, those things every day instead of thinking of them as chores, but transforming them into like, this is empowering me. And this is boosting my energy. This is making me feel better, can make all the difference as well.
Kim Strobel 19:19
I love that. So I want to know, so because I know I can just see my mamas who are listening to this. And like, Renee, how do you clean your house just for 15 minutes every day, because like you said, the average person is spending about five hours doing all of it from laundry to organizing to putting groceries away to wiping counters down to all of it. So tell us a little more about that and what that looks like and how you got yourself there. So we know that you kind of purged and began to get rid of stuff, which I think is a huge thing like you would be amazed people how you feel when you start to get rid of the stuff in your life.
Renea Fieck 19:55
Yeah, 100% 100% so well okay, so I will be honest. If you To come to my house, my floors are probably not clean. Like they’re not mopped. My toilet probably has stuff on the rim. Like those sorts of cleaning things are a whole different story. But like the actual like stuff stuff in my house, like the maintenance, just the daily maintenance. Yes, yes. So those are the things that I feel like once you start what I teach, I have no we can give it to your audience to it’s a clean and 15 course. So it teaches all about how you can get clean and
15. And so but but it really is talking about like instead of focusing your time and your energy on the maintenance, instead of focusing on that if you focus on each and every single day on this decluttering that front, you might be spending more time doing the doing the cleaning stuff on the other side. But if you’re focusing on actually getting rid of the stuff instead of just putting it away, that over time that momentum builds up, and then instead of just sorting and cleaning, and sorting and cleaning and barely keeping up, you’re actually removing stuff from your space. If that makes sense. Kind of like worded it funny there.
Kim Strobel 21:01
No, that makes sense though,
Renea Fieck 21:03
it’s kind of like this idea of, if you’re have one box and it gets spread out, and you spend 15 minutes picking it up and putting it back in the box, well, tomorrow, that box gets spread out and you spent 15 minutes putting it back in the box, you know, like every single day, you’re just repeating the same 15 minutes every every day. So you’re never going to actually make any progress. But if instead of putting it back in the box, you took that box and you put it outside, then today, you’re going to have another 15 minutes, but what you can do something new with it. And so that continues to build up over time. And then you get rid of the stuff out of your house. And then you implement just key little strategies. Like every night, I put the dishes away after I’m done. I clean off the counters, whatever. And we do a 15 minute sweep in the living room in the kitchen and make sure that all the stuff is picked up out of there. And then that starts the day fresh so every single day, like you talked about the mail, when we let that mail sit there and pile up, pile up and pile up. It’s going to take You have an hour to go through it right?
Kim Strobel 22:02
Renea Fieck 22:02
But if you’re just focusing 15 minutes every single day and getting rid of it every single day, it makes it so that that momentum keeps up. And then the other thing with the 15 minutes and why I teach the 15 minutes is this idea of context switching. I don’t know if you’ve talked about that. But there’s this this research out there that talks about every time we switch from one task to another task, we lose productivity. So as moms, we’re constantly might multitasking right, like we’re handling kids, and we’ve got our phone buzzing and we’re trying to clean and we’re trying to do the dishes and ma oftentimes, when I talk to moms, they’re doing like three or four different household tasks at the same time. Like that was another survey I did. So they’re doing laundry dishes, cooking dinner, and managing the kids all at the same time. So they’ve got four different tasks going. But what happens is that every time you switch your mentality from one thing to the next, you you
lose productivity. And so with four items, I think it was like you’re going down like 70% productivity. So if we can instead focus on one task for only 15 minutes, you’re going to get all of that productivity all of that energy done, you’re going to get far more accomplished in that 15 minutes than if you were trying to multitask four or five different items for an hour and a half.
Kim Strobel 23:16
Okay, that makes perfect sense to me because as an educator, we there was this research out and we called them transitions that every time students had to make a transition, like, Okay, now we’re going to get out of our seats. And we’re gonna come over here for the read aloud. And now we’re going to go from the read aloud over to literacy stations, which you know, you do want to get kids up and moving. But the average amount of time that was lost in a transition, yes, two and a half minutes. Yeah, okay. And so we apply this philosophy to my business like my copywriter, and my Gabrielle and my assistant Jessa.
We’ve taught them now how to do batching so like when Gabrielle edit my blog post, she’s gonna edit like five blog posts at a time because she’s much more efficient than if she like edits a blog post here and then comes back to another one tomorrow. So you’re welcome. This what you’re talking about, you’re talking about batching your cleaning, sorting organizing task and staying with one task in order to really bring all the energy in complete that task.
Renea Fieck 24:12
Right and like some of my clients that I’ve done that have done this, you turn on some music, you turn off your phone because your phone can distract you. You get the kids engaged with something or you have them help you or whatever it may be like get yourself set up so that that 15 minutes is 100% focused on what you’re doing. You would be surprised what you can get done in 15 minutes. If you are all in like you’ve set a timer. You’re like I’m going to give myself 15 minutes to get the dishes done or I’m going to get my 15 minutes to whatever like you give yourself that 15 minute timer. You put on some music you clear out as many distractions as you can. Some tasks that before may have taken you an hour and a half. You might be surprised you can get it done in 15 minutes.
Kim Strobel 24:53
Yes, I love that idea. You know you’re also making me think about the five second rule with Mel Robbins Have you heard of That?
Renea Fieck 25:00
I have I’ve tried to listen to her book, but I’ve never made it all the way through.
Kim Strobel 25:04
Yeah, well, I want to do a different episode on it. But I know one of the things that she teaches because it’s kind of going back to making the bed or cleaning the countertops or doing the dishes, is she says that we constantly put off doing things, and some of us more so than others. So I’m, I’m an activator personality, which means I take action immediately, and I’m really good at getting shit done. Whereas, like, my husband is more of like, the avoidance personality, like, I’m not gonna deal with that just yet, or I’m gonna walk past the dishes 20 times because I just don’t want to deal with those. And so what she is saying is that, like the five second rule, there’s some kind of science behind it that shows that you should always count backwards from five. Actually, anything, anything that we do, we should count backwards. So for example, I do 25 push ups, after every run that I do, and I used to count up 123 but she says you actually build momentum if you count backwards. I mean, so yeah, so when we go past the dishes, and we’re like, I’ll just do that later. She says, Don’t do it. She’s like countdown from 5, 54321. And on one, you take action, you make a move, whatever it takes you put yourself in front of there you do the dishes or you make the better you get out of bed, you know, when your alarm goes off 54321 and on one you get out of bed, because she says the more you delay, doing things, again, those things bog and weigh you down. And like you said, you lose productivity.
Renea Fieck 26:29
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it’s, I mean, I have a two minute rule. So kind of along in the same sense, like anything that you can do in two minutes or less needs to be done right then. So that same kind of incorporating that same idea, because like, you may be like, Oh, I can’t do the dishes right now, because I’ve got bed time. I’ve got whatever, like there are times when you’re not maybe, like physically feasible to do. So if it’s something that you can do in two minutes. Like you take off your shoes, do you put them right away or do you leave them by the front door or do you you know, When you come in the door, are you sorting the mail right away? Like, realistically, I can sort my mail in the house in less than like, probably two minutes to I think it’s 30 seconds. You know, I’m like, we’re done. Yeah, pick what you want. You put the other stuff away, like throw the other stuff away and done. So whatever you can do in that two minutes, you do it right then. So it’s kind of like that activating sort of sense as well. And what happens is that you like if you’re practicing that 54321 or you’re saying, I’m not going to put a put off anything in that two minutes, you build momentum. And then it reinforces that you feel good, you actually are getting
things done, you’re getting things accomplished, rather than when you put things off constantly. It’s that builds up that momentum the other direction, right? So it’s really about just taking those small little steps and then celebrating those small little steps. Like if you’re doing 15 minutes, and maybe right now if you started with a 15 minute sweep or a 15 minute timer, like I’ve said maybe your whole house is not going to get done in 15 minutes, but if you say I did This 15 minutes and celebrate that 15 minutes and know that tomorrow you can do another 15 minutes, then that’s going to it’s going to build momentum rather than if you say, Well, I did 15 minutes, but now the other half of my house is not done, then that what you’re doing is you’re priming your brain that that 15 minutes didn’t matter instead of the other way around you say 15 minutes is 15 minutes, I got it done. And each day I take 15 minutes, it’s going to build momentum.
Kim Strobel 28:24
So is this where the context comes in?
Renea Fieck 28:27
The context switching?
Kim Strobel 28:28
Renea Fieck 28:29
context is, I mean, it would just be like your focus switches from one thing like, oh, like a multitasking like you talked about, so like transitions.
Kim Strobel 28:38
Yes. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And so then, alright, so this is really helpful. And you said the name of that, we’ll put the link to that guide. What is your guide called?
Renea Fieck 28:48
It’s called the cleaning 15 it’s actually a course. It’s like a mock like, I don’t even remember how many modules course.
Kim Strobel 28:55
That’s awesome. A lot of my ladies could use that. So then, um, So you basically you find yourself just not enjoying motherhood, you’re overwhelmed. You can’t keep up, you feel exhausted everywhere you look. And so you start to kind of say, Hey, I’m gonna I’m gonna get rid of stuff. I’m going to start to manage my home on a daily basis so that I feel good, because that’s taking care of me. Yeah, so just doing those things. Did you start to really feel that weight kind of lift from your chest? Or were there other things that you did? or How did you get yourself to a place where you’re like, Hey, I I’m more than a mom and I can enjoy motherhood while I can also enjoy being a woman.
Renea Fieck 29:38
Yeah, yeah. So I think
Kim Strobel 29:41
I love it just so you all know, one of the little girls, one of her little daughters has just appeared right now on the podcast. Who is this? Miss Renee?
Renea Fieck 29:48
What’s your name? Can you say it really loud? No. Go back with brother and sister.
Kim Strobel 29:55
I love it. Does she have pink hair too? Yes. I love your pink hair pink streak. See this? Is what being a mama is about. You’re doing a podcast and Hey there, I love your pink hair. That’s awesome. That’s a good way to run her off. Like away she sees me. Um, so Okay, so going back.
Renea Fieck 30:15
Yes. So yes, that was my first one was like how can I get rid of the stuff that’s spending all my time like, and it really is like that’s what moms say so many times is, I don’t have time for anything that I want to do. I don’t have time for self care. I don’t have any time for, you know, reading, I don’t have any time for doing any of these things that everybody else is telling me are really good for moms, I just don’t have the time. So clearing out the stuff will give you your time back. It will give you some time. And then refocusing and bringing in
those other tools and those other strategies were then like felt like it was free to be able to do them. So gratitude. I know we talked about that, I think on the podcast with you. That was definitely a huge catalyst for me. And even in those moments when you’re like so frustrated with one of your kids, they’re not doing anything, Those are the times I’m like, Okay, why am I grateful for this child?
Kim Strobel 31:03
Yeah, right now that’s the real power of gratitude is can you do it when life is hard?
Renea Fieck 31:07
Yes. Like when you’re there frustrating and you’re mad and you’re like, Oh, they make me so angry. You pull in those like, Okay, well, why am I thankful for them? So that and then my morning routine was another big, big, big one. For me, pulling that in. And then really just, I guess the biggest word if I were to describe all of it was about intention, intention with what was in my home intention with what I allowed on my calendar, I started to say no to a lot more and set more boundaries up in my life instead of just taking on because I realized how valuable my time was, and how easily I was giving it away to everybody else, and everything else looking for things that were going to make me feel good. But when I was able to solidify what things were my core values and what was important to me and my family and not necessarily Jane down the road, it allowed me to be able to set those boundaries and take some of my time back and then All of that kind of combined gave me more time to then focus on the things that I enjoyed that made me happy. That made me excited made me a better parent, all of those sorts of things. So it kind of had this ripple effect into. Well, now that I’ve gotten time back, I’m not spending it cleaning and organizing. I’m not saying yes to everything that comes my way. Now I have lots more time. What do I want to actually put that in that time so that it’s intentional, and I enjoy it. And so those were really big ones. And then the last, the biggest, biggest one would be intention with the way I was thinking, instead of bringing yourself down every single day and going to bed at the end of the night saying like, Well, I didn’t do XYZ I failed today.
And yet, we’re neglecting all of the amazing and wonderful things you did in the day. You
go to bed for you know, you just negate all of that. So like for example, my daughter the other day she and I got in a fight about something I don’t even remember. And I remember midway through the day feeling like Gosh, I sucked today I was yelling. I did not enjoy today. I was a bad mom, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, there was something my daughter did. And so I had this conversation about mistakes, and how we’re all going to make huge mistakes. And we’re going to all be make these horrible, you know, decisions someday. But as long as we learn from them and move forward, that’s all that really matters. And so after this whole conversation, she went, Oh, she was laying in
bed, she goes, Mom, it feels really amazing to have a mom that helps me learn from my mistakes. I feel like I’ve got a superhero mom. And so to have that, like, she didn’t think about any of the other stuff that happened in the day where I was feeling so horrible, and so beat down and so frustrated that I was yelling, and I was irritated, and I was angry and whatever. I wasn’t enjoying the day to feel like she didn’t remember any of that. All she remembered is that moment at the end. And so we need to make sure that as moms were doing that, too, that we’re like focusing on those moments. That because our kids oftentimes don’t remember all Yeah, that we’re entertaining ourselves down with.
Kim Strobel 34:02
It’s the story that we tell ourselves. That isn’t always true story. I know, my son. So he, you know, he graduated a year ago from high school, so he just finished his first year of college. And it was his senior year. And, you know, he doesn’t need much for me. I mean, you know, we eat supper together every evening, but he comes home from basketball at 630 we have supper, he goes down in his room, like this is what teenage boys do. But I, as he gained his independence, I started to work a lot more hours because I I have two different businesses and I was kind of pouring all of my efforts into that. And his his car would pull in the driveway, you know, at 630 at night and he’d see his mama like still in her office and I would get out and like shut it down as soon as he would come home. But I walked up to him one time because I was always a little worried that like, Am I modeling to Spencer that it’s just like, you know, You’re hugely driven, and you work, work work. And I do it because like that, like, I am excited to do this work right now my passion. But even though he didn’t need me to be like, hey, let’s go jump on the trampoline or go fishing like we used to do. I still wonder like, was I modeling this kind of crazy work behavior to him?
Renea Fieck 35:19
Kim Strobel 35:19
And I went read him one time, and he gave me a hug. And I was like, do you do I model for you that I just work, work, work, work, work, and he kind of pulled me back and he looked in my eyes and he said, Mom, you have modeled for me what it means to chase after your dreams.
Renea Fieck 35:35
Kim Strobel 35:36
And I was just like, oh my gosh. So like, again, right? We have the story we tell ourselves, yes. And then there’s the story that they see that is meaningful to them. Yeah. So I love that about your story. Okay. I want to know real quick because you said something about a morning routine. And I know, I know people like Allison who’s listening to this podcast right now who listens to all of them and who’s like I want to know what her morning routine is. So what is your morning routine?
Renea Fieck 36:00
Oh, well, my morning routine morphs and changes. And I think that that’s the powerful thing in the morning routine is that it doesn’t have to be the exact same thing for the entire your entire lifetime, that you can pull in the pieces that you feel like you need in that season. So I was actually thinking the other day, I was like, gosh, at one point, my morning routine focus more heavily on the physical exercise. So that was my priority. So if I woke up in the morning, and I knew I only had, you know, 30 minutes, my exercise was taking that 30 minute morning time, versus right now the 30 minutes gets eaten up by journaling and meditation. So it’s, it’s shifted, and it’s changed and I think that those, that’s the, the beauty of it is that whatever season you’re in and whatever you feel like is is fueling you the most is the most important thing. But I think the the key thing with the morning routine is just that you’re setting the intention that the morning time is a sacred time for you to set the tone for the day. So making sure that the first thing in the morning you’re setting yourself up for success and Celebrating those things that you are doing well from the very getgo. So, right now my morning routine really looks like me getting up and drinking a cup of coffee, reading a book and then journaling. And that’s pretty much what it’s been because I by then my kids are already awake and they’re up. And so getting the exercise in and that first little bit of the morning hasn’t been possible at this point in time. So we incorporate it somewhere else in the day. But at one point, it was flip flop. So I think that it just really is the key piece in any morning routine is just that intention and awareness that taking care of you first thing in the morning matters. Oh, and that that whatever it’s filled with in that morning routine doesn’t make a difference and it can change it doesn’t have to stay stagnant.
Kim Strobel 37:44
I love that. I love that. Okay, so we’re gonna end this by doing a few quickfire questions.
These are just going to be tough, quick, quick questions. Is there anything that you’re binge watching right now?
Renea Fieck 37:57
We just finished watching Schitts Creek.
Kim Strobel 37:59
Oh Is that good?
Renea Fieck 38:00
Kim Strobel 38:01
Okay, my husband and I need something else to watch so okay,
Renea Fieck 38:04
well, we just got we just got to the end of it last night. My husband was like, Oh my gosh, the seasons are over. That’s it. No more. Shoot. Oh, yes, it’s a light hearted funny one. It’s not deep. It’s not intense.
Kim Strobel 38:19
Renea Fieck 38:19
Got a lot of like humorous stuff in there.
Kim Strobel 38:22
So we’ll try that one out. We’ll try that one out. What is one of your big most audacious gaadi dreams that you have for yourself?
Renea Fieck 38:31
for myself? I feel like one of my biggest dreams My goals eventually is to host like mom retreats around the world. That’s on my it’s on my board here and
Kim Strobel 38:46
I love that. Oh, a mom retreat. Oh, we all need a mom retreat. I love that. You’ve talked about self care already. What is one way that you’re reaching for more joy in your life right now.
Renea Fieck 38:58
So I wouldn’t I don’t know if I mentioned it in here, but I’ve been recently working with a like a linguistics coach. And she’s been helping me watch what I’m saying and how it’s impacting my life and whatever. And she in our conversation had said something about recognizing your inner child, and allowing your inner child to come into play. And so I realized how much I’ve been saying no to things in my life, because it’s a that I just don’t want to or it’s too playful, or it’s this or that or whatever. Like I was saying no, so much. And so, in this last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying really hard to acknowledge that inner child and allow myself to say yes to things like playing tag or getting in the pool with the kids or playing hide and seek or those sorts of things and just allowing that inner child to laugh and have fun. So for me that has been very, very powerful. Like I’ve been laughing so much more. The kids are so much happier, like we’ve just been seeing so much more joy in our house by me being Okay with blanket.
Kim Strobel 40:02
Yeah, yeah, play is actually one of the top things that we can do as adults in our life. We think that we’re not allowed to play anymore but we actually need to play as adults. So that’s pretty cool that you’re, you’re doing that. Okay, the last question is what is something that people would be surprised to know about Rene fleck?Renea Fieck 40:19
Mmmm… surprised to know about me. I don’t know actually um… I don’t like cleaning here
Kim Strobel 40:34
Yeah, cuz I like she’s just some clean freak I could never do this. That’s a good one.
Renea Fieck 40:38
No, I don’t I really honestly hate cleaning like, and the kids are all fight though. Sometimes like they’ll argue with me and they’re like, we just don’t like cleaning and like, neither do I. I don’t but I love a clean house. So yes, getting rid of all the stuff and getting things out my door is and I’m not super organized with everything. So like have being able to get rid of it and still have a clean house. But without being organized or enjoying cleaning.
Kim Strobel 41:02
So I love that. Yeah, this has been a great episode. You know, what I love the most is that you really do, you can just see the grace that you extend to yourself. And I think that so much of the time, we get put in these little boxes and we’re told, like, this is exactly what your morning routine needs to look like or this, you need to do this every single day. And I love that you’re kind of more about finding what feels good to you, and incorporating that and not being like, Oh, I have to do this and do it perfectly. I feel like you really do a great job of honoring that. So I appreciate that gift.
Renea Fieck 41:35
Thanks. Yeah, I feel like there’s no one right way to do anything. Exactly. So well. Thank you so much. I think you being here. It was great to be on. Thanks for having me.
Kim Strobel 41:48
It was really great to have Renee on today’s podcast. I love that she extends a lot of grace just to herself as a mother that there’s you know, just not one right way to do things. Also if you’re listening to this one of the things that I need to be telling you all is please go down and leave a review I just found out that reviews make a really big difference to getting my she finds joy podcast out into the world to not just thousands of people but millions of people. So I would love if you enjoyed today’s episode. If you could go down and write us a review, or jump over in the Facebook, she finds joy and let us know what did you think about today’s podcast with Renee? We did it. Thank you so much for listening in on the she finds joy podcast today. I’m honored to share this space with you and I hope you keep showing up as the real you in this world. As always, this conversation will be continued in our free private Facebook group. You can join that group by going to Kim Strobel comm forward slash she finds joy to connect with other job seekers just like you