Ep 46 | Angela Robeck: Releasing People-Pleasing

 

Kim Strobel 00:07 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's show. Now before I jump into this episode, I just want to remind you, if you are not a member of the she finds joy Facebook group, you need to get in there. This is a place where we can show up as our real selves. There's a lot of positivity in there. But I also share my own struggles and my own challenges. And so hop on in there, tell your friend, take a screenshot of this podcast episode, send it to anybody and everyone who you know, needs to know that they can overcome hard things in their life, and they can reach for more joy. So today, I want to introduce Angela robeck. And she is well versed in teaching and school leadership. But we know that not all of our listeners are educators. And so what I love about Angela is she is a certified life coach who graduated with her certification from two of the very well known coaching institutes. Brooke Castillo is the Life Coach School. And then Martha Beck's certified life coaching program to people that I really look up to. And so I love that she's really interested in personal development, she and I jumped on for like a preliminary episode and realized we had talked for 40 minutes and hadn't recorded any of it yet, because we were trying to make sure that we were a good feel for one another. And I think we found out real quickly, Angela, that we were 

A 

Angela Robeck 01:32 Yes, absolutely

 

Kim Strobel 01:34 

Yeah, so welcome. I can't wait to dive into some of these deeper topics. I think that it's really easy for us to surface level over stuff sometimes without really getting to the nitty gritty of what's going on. And in my work with both like schools and organizations and businesses, but also in my work with specific women. I feel like like we just cannot get like, we can't get off that hamster wheel of feeling overwhelmed. And I know that you talk a lot about this idea of people pleasing and saying yes to all of this stuff. I think I even did an episode one time that said state set stop saying yes to shit you really don't want to do I think that was a 

Angela Robeck 02:16 

A 

perfect title. 

02:18 

Yeah. But 

Kim Strobel 02:19 

I do want to dive into this. Because you know why? Okay, first of all, let's just talk about people pleasing. Tell me what you feel like people pleasing is and how that plays out in our lives. 

Angela Robeck 02:32 

A 

Yeah, so I'm going to speak to it specifically about women, because I coach school leaders, and I'm primarily coach, female school leaders. And one of the themes and one of the patterns that I noticed, when these are moms, right. They're their mothers with children at home. And they're also leading schools. So they're, they have this big full time job. And they've got this big, full time job at home, which is raising their families. And they're told to build trust, and they're told to build relationships, and they're told to be a yes, person. And so what happens is, they confuse this idea of authenticity and trust, and relationship building, with people pleasing, and what we think is building trust and and just even with our family, like when we love our children, and we love our our spouse or partner, we want to say yes to them. We need to see when we're saying yes, because we actually want to say yes, out of love and out of service to our career or personal life. Or whether we're saying yes, because we feel obligation, or we are We believe that that's just 

the way it is. We have to say yes. Because we're we're a mother, right? And we we believe we have to cook dinner because we have two children, and we have a husband and they're hungry. And they're asking what's for dinner? And we don't question the thought, Oh, now I have to cook dinner or I need to have a meal plan for the week. We don't really stop and think about, wait a minute, is this the only solution? Am I doing this? Because I love to cook and I love to feed my family? And the answer might be yes. Right? The answer might be yes to that. Or it might be I actually hate cooking and I dread it and I like around three o'clock every day I start to think oh gosh, what am I going to make for dinner and I have to run to the store and I you know, I want to make sure the kids are eating healthy and but I don't I'm so exhausted. Like I just want to pick up, you know, chicken or something. Right? And what I'm inviting women to do is to just notice when they're having that kind of push and pull that cognitive dissonance in their mind that it feels like you should be doing it and you think it's just truth. That feeling of frustration is that little signal. It's that little flag that says hey, maybe something else could be through here, maybe something else could work equally as well, if not better, that that solves all of the problems. So for example, with dinner, right, it could equally be true that somebody else could cook dinner, or that you could order out, or that you could prep on Sunday for the week, and then just have leftovers ready and available for people, you could teach your kids how to cook. You could, you know, like, you could start to think when you realize like, that's not an absolute truth, you can start to see like, there are many possibilities. And when you are open to those possibilities, those creative solutions will rise up to the surface of your mind. 

Kim Strobel 05:38 

Okay, so here's what I want to talk to you about. So I can just hear like, you know, I think that this is a belief system that is so heavily embedded in a woman from generations of societal beliefs. Like, I just feel like women are doing a ton of shit that they really don't want to do. But they're scared not to do it, because then they're going to deal with the guilt. Like, I feel like guilt is such a big thing. Because it's like, Hey, if you're a woman, like you're supposed to do all of this stuff, like you, you know, and we can't quite get over that, that barrier. I know, in my own household, it's like, this morning, we had this big ice storm, my house cleaner said she couldn't come. And I was like, crap, like, so at, you know, 645 I'm firing up the vacuum cleaner. I freaking hate back. You mean, I'm mopping, I took my dogs for a run, they had like, salt in their paws. So I'm like, screw this, I'm gonna give them all a bath. And like, I had all that shit done. And then like, my husband gets out of bed. And he's like, good morning. And he's really good. But like, I was like, Okay, so here's the deal. I'm sick of mopping My back hurts from giving the dogs a bath, I need you to take over the mopping. And you're in charge of cleaning the kitchen since the House Cleaners not coming. And he did it. He really did. But but we've had to have these difficult 

conversations for a long time to where I don't feel like the household chores, just fall on my shoulders. But then there is that guilt that comes in I'm not gonna lie. Like sometimes I look back and I really hated cooking. I'm just going with your cooking example. Right? And I was like, Oh, my kids never gonna be the kid who comes home from college is like, Mom, will you make that really great meal, because I really was not the mother who like, was a great, like, I just hated cooking. And so I really had to get over that like, okay, yeah, there's times I'm willing to like stretch myself and make myself uncomfortable, because it is going to feel good to give my kids like a healthy meal. But there's also alternative solutions, like I can do take out or there's a meal delivery service. Now I can order that. Or, you know, like, what we have found out is my husband's a better cook. So he does a lot of the cooking now, I don't feel bad about it at all. But I do think like this is something heavily embedded in women who are like, they want to do what we're talking about Angela, but they're like, Oh, I'm just gonna feel so bad about myself if I do that. 

Angela Robeck 07:59 

A 

Well, and that is the crux of the problem. Because our brain is telling us that it's our job, our responsibility, that nobody else can do it but us that we're but that's where the obligation comes in. And what I invite people to do is ask like, question that, is it absolutely true that you have to be the one to do these things? And if so, why do you believe that? And that's where you get into that deeper belief system of like, what do I believe about my role as a wife or my role as a mother or my role as a spouse? In in, in a family situation? Or what do I do the work if you're a working mom, like what are you thinking about when you're at work as well? So it can be in either realm, a sphere in your life. But if we're taking this home front, looking at it from Wait a minute, why do I believe this? What do I make it mean about myself if I do the cooking, and what do I make it mean about myself? If I don't do the cooking? Am I a bad mom, if I don't cook, am I a good mom if I cook and notice how we label ourselves and how we judge ourselves for the tasks that we do, versus asking our own opinion, and valuing our own opinion, because a lot of times we think, well, people will think I'm a bad mom or my husband will think I'm a bad mom, if I don't cook dinner, I don't like to cook or I don't keep the house super tidy every single day. But what we don't do as women and because we were trained not to is we don't value your own opinion, equally or more than we value the opinions of everyone around oh 

Kim Strobel 09:35 

my gosh, that's okay. And when you say that again, that is a tweetable moment. Yeah, as women we don't value I 

Angela Robeck 09:42 

A 

want you to say that again. We don't value our own opinion, equally or greater than we value the opinions of other people. And that's why we feel like we don't have our own backs ever because we are the ones self doubting. We are the ones questioning. We are the ones judging ourselves and condemning ourselves, if we don't do it the way we think it should be done, I can guarantee you nine times out of 10, if you went to your husband and said, like, Can I be honest with you Like, I hate cooking? Can we figure something out? Can we put it into the budget for, you know, food delivery? Or have those pre you know, they have those pre packaged meals you can get, there's tons of options in the world right now for that if, if that's financially available to you, if not, perhaps everybody takes a turn, and then you're only cooking half of the time, there's there, there is always a solution. First of all, and if you believe there's always a solution, when there's something you're doing, that you just you hate doing, or it doesn't, you don't feel like it's the way that you want to contribute to the world. And here's the other thing. If not liking something is good enough reason not to want to do it. Like you don't have to do something if you don't want to do it. I think that we don't think that's a valid enough reason. 

Kim Strobel 10:59 

No, we're like, hey, put, you know, put your big girl panties on and do it. That's what the rest of the women are doing. right and right, we exactly. I love that you say that. And, you know, I'm even thinking like, since we're on this mill thing, like so we have PB and J's every Tuesday, or grilled cheese sandwiches like it doesn't have to be this full. Like I grew up with a mother who created like this full four course meal every evening. And that was very much embedded in me that that's what good moms do. And it is what good moms do. But I'm a really good mom too. But my strengths lie, maybe in other areas, you know. So I love that you're saying that. They don't have to just push that opinion away that they're having about truly not liking this at all. And, and that it's not? What if you don't like you're not as screwed as you think you are? Right? Like there are other options? 

Angela Robeck 11:53 

A 

Yes. Here's the thing. You get to create the definition of a good mom for yourself. Right? You get to decide like what it means for you to be a good mom and I would invite your listeners to question like to have the thought is a good mom, the mom who is modeling to her children, do things you hate doing out of obligation? Is that what you want to teach her children? I hate cooking, I begrudge it and the guess what everybody knows when mom's upset, right? So if mom hates cooking around dinner hour, she's gonna get grumpy. Everybody feels that even if nothing said, that's what you're modeling to your kids. And I 

would invite you to say, I'm a good mom, because I do what I want. I focus on the things that I'm really good at doing as a mother and I and I delegate the other stuff. 

Kim Strobel 12:46 

Oh, I love that I'm a good mom, because I focus on doing the things that I'm really good at. And I delegate delegate the other stuff like honestly, I can see my listeners needing to write that on a sticky note and put it on their mirror. Because yes, we do. We have to like redefine what we think, is a good mom without the clouded version that is shooting at us 

from social media, you know, and that's the other thing, right? There's this whole comparison that goes on on social media, and I'm a fan of social media, I think that we have to be careful with it. But you know, I know that some people can go into meltdown mode because they see like, Oh, there she is, she's doing crafts with her kid again, or making this great meal. And I haven't cooked for my kid in seven days. And then, but like, we also have to realize that social media is a highlight reel, right? Like they're not showing the other junk in their trunk. Because it's a highlight reel. It's like if you go watch the basketball game from ESPN, they're going to show you 30 seconds of the very best shots of the game, right? We have to understand that's what social media is doing. And not let that bring us down when we see. Like we do this whole comparative thing, right? Like, it drives me crazy. I find myself doing it too sometimes. But I do feel like eventually I really got to like just accepting, like, these are the things I'm good at. And and these are the things I'm not, you know, 

14:08 

yeah. And what's funny about social media, when we're consuming it, when we're looking at it, the people that the people whose Instagram accounts that we're looking at, those people have no idea that we're looking that we're consuming their content at that given moment. So the only person in the room while we're looking at the Instagram account is us. It is us with our brain. That's how we know that it's our brain creating that feeling that comes when we're looking at somebody else saying Oh, I should be more like her or I should do it that way or my life doesn't look like that. Our brain is the one telling us all of those. I call them lie. I mean, it's a story in our head, but it's all lies because any story this is the Byron Katie quote, like any thought that comes through your head that feels terrible is a lie. Right? So when you're watching on social media, that woman's not making you feel bad because she's posting the good side of her life. Our brain is telling us that we should be something that we're not. So we're having this conversation with ourselves party of one, which it is, it feels hard to hear that. But the good news is that we can control that we can be like, Hey, wait a minute. Number one, I know that that's just half of 

life, because we all know life's 5050 no matter who you are, or how much money you have, or how good your Instagram account looks, yeah, right. Life is 5050. So it's good half the time and it's hard. The other half, and your half looks very different than her half. So what what what are you what is your brain making that mean? 

Kim Strobel 15:45 

I love that. So what you're asking people to do is to become aware of the thought that they're having, which is in direct response to something they've seen or whatever, and then the thought they have causes a feeling right? Can you kind of like walk us through that whole process of like, the thoughts we're having create our feelings and kind of like that cycle? And then how we can get out of that cycle by questioning the thought? 

Angela Robeck 16:12 

A 

Yes, absolutely. So this is a tool I learned to the Life Coach School, it's called the model. And basically, in its simplest form, it is a tool that helps you see it bring and bring awareness to how your thoughts are creating that your results in your life. And here's what it looks like in in motion. So you're let's, I'm going to use the Instagram as the as the example. So the Instagram posts that you're looking at, that is a circumstance, it is a situation that's outside of you, and that you don't have control, you don't have control over what people post on their Instagram, okay, you do have control whether or not you look at it, that's separate. But let's just say Instagram is the circumstance, when you're looking at it, it triggers thoughts in your head, right? That's the brains job is to come up with these 60,000 thoughts per day. So of course, when you are consuming Instagram, you're having all kinds of thoughts about it, right? The thoughts you're choosing to have, or the thoughts that are appearing, in your mind, trigger an emotional vibration in your body. So when I'm looking at Instagram, and I'm seeing supermom with the cooking and the full time job, and she's got a side hustle, and she looks amazing. And she's, you know, 100 pounds. And you know, got to Heather Yeah, I'll put together and you're thinking to yourself, first of all, that's totally fake. And, or you're thinking, Oh, look at her, like, why can't I be like that you're just your brain floods, your floods with thoughts. There is a physical reaction, which is called an emotion, which is a vibration in your body in response to that thought. That emotional state that you're in, impacts the decisions you make and the actions that you take. So when you're feeling when you're looking at Instagram, and you're like, Oh, brother, and you're feeling kind of like, kind of down about it, you're feeling like you're not as worthy, you're not as good as somebody else. Insufficient is what I would call that you're feeling insufficient. The way you're going to show up energetically in your day is it's going to impact the way that you cook dinner, the way that you talk to your kids, the way that you interact with your spouse, the way that you go to work the next day, it 

impacts you your if that's what we call our mood, like whatever mood we're in, that's really just the vibrational energy that our body is, is resonating with, based on our thoughts. And then obviously, the way that we show up in the world, whether we're at home or with our kids or at work, it impacts the results and the outcomes that we create for ourselves. So when we're crabby pants, because we were looking at Instagram, thinking we should be different than we are. And we're kind of snapping at our kids while we're making dinner. And they're like, oh, and then you go to bed and you're grumpy and you wake up and then you go to work. Right? You will have a different result in your life, your life will feel different because you're creating this experience of I'm not good enough. I'm not looking like that I'm not, I'm not doing all of those things. And that self doubt turns into a spiral. It's a it's I call it an overwhelm cycle where you just feel super overwhelmed. So you overwork in an effort to try harder to be a better mom to be a better employee to be a better wife. And then you burn out and get exhausted. And then you kind of underwear like it's this cycle of over, over trying burning out. Then giving up and under trying and kind of just staying in your pajamas all day and eating ice cream and then you're like, Oh crap, I just gained 10 pounds. Then you got to overwork again, you got to work really hard to lose the weight and we just get into this cycle and it's all based on our emotional A space that we choose to be in. But it's about understanding the thoughts we're having. So that is the cycle of the of which is, 

Kim Strobel 20:08 

which is why we have to pause, and then self check that thought, is it? Is it 100% a true thought? Or is it a lie that I've been told from, you know, previous in, you know, previous generations of, you know, how I'm supposed to show up in the world as a mother. And then like, you know, this is the other thing that I think women struggle with is like, choosing to do things that make them feel good. Instead, we, we, we, we don't think we have a choice. But we do have a choice, but we think we don't have a choice. And then we do things that make us feel bad that get us into those kind of, you know, what, whether it's resentfulness, or bitterness, or exhaustion, or negativity, or whatever, that emotional vibration that we're holding, which has been like having this massive ripple effect in our life, and I know that so many women are like, I feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. But I actually think and I want to know what your thoughts are on this. Angela, I actually think that we're underwhelmed, and you brought that term up just now. Like, 

Angela Robeck 21:12 

A 

yes, 

Kim Strobel 21:13 

let's talk about underwhelming. 

Angela Robeck 21:15 

A 

I think over like the state of being overwhelmed is a thought. It's not a truth. Right? It's just a thought that we have. I'm overwhelmed, right? And then when we feel overwhelmed, we're actually feeling 

Kim Strobel 21:29 

okay, I'm going to stop you though. Because here's, I know how I can just see how people are thinking, so I'm going to be devil's advocate. So I'm going to be like, but Angela, I am overwhelmed. Like I have 10 loads of laundry on this on the My house is a disaster. I'm supposed to take this kid to the dentist appointment. This one needs a haircut. This one has two hours of homework. So like, when you say overwhelming is a thought, and it's not true. What about the person that's like, but what about this? All this stuff? I'm trying to get done in a day's time. What 

Angela Robeck 21:58 

A 

do you mean, that's not true? Right. So that's my point exactly, is that there is a to do list everybody has in the in the world has a to do list, right? That is your circumstance, like the number of things on your list is a circumstance. What your brain makes it mean is that I'm overwhelmed. There's too much to do and not enough time, right? That's kind of the song, the title of the song that we're playing in our head. There's too much to do not enough time. I'm busy, right? There's another there's this is like an album and here's all the titles. So 

Kim Strobel 22:33 

yes, keep going. 

Angela Robeck 22:34 

A 

Yes, like, I'm overwhelmed, I'm too busy. There's too much to do and not enough time. I'm exhausted right there. Like we tell ourselves the story about woe is me, there's so much to do. What we fail to see, and this is why we step out of our empowerment is we don't see it 

as a choice. We just believe that it's true that every single thing on that to do list is an absolute must do. Priority can't be undone can't be not done. That is one of the first things Martha Beck taught us was that using the word have to must, all of those kinds of things. That is the brains way of convincing you that those to do list that to do list is the most important thing right? Now. Let's just go there and say, okay, they all do have to be done. Now what you can you can you can do the things and be upset about them all day long and be hurried and rushed and tired and miserable and be like kind of like resistant. You feel resistance to them all day long. Or you can say, Look, I'm choosing to cook dinner because I want I don't want my kids at McDonald's every night, I want to cook a healthy meal. So I'm going to choose to cook three nights a week, two nights a week are going to be leftovers, right? I you know, in one week, one day out of the week, they get to drive through McDonald's, you know, like, let's just be real here. Like there are some days we're going to be on our mom game and some days we're not. But it's a it's a decision that we make. And when we tell ourselves we have to cook every single day because that's what good moms do. You can tell yourself that, but does it feel good? Do you like that? Is that how you want to experience parenthood? Is that how you want to experience every night between five and 7pm? If the answer is yes, go do that, but own it. And if the answer is no, I do I hate this. I don't like this. Then that's when you look into the other opportunities but the emotion is the is the little flag to tell you. Wait a minute. I'm acting on a thought that may or may not be serving me I need to check in with myself. Why is it that I feel obligated to cook every night? What am I thinking? How am I judging myself for that just opening up the question, do I want to do this? If so, why? If so, why not? So basically, ask the question, decide, like, tell your reason why you want to or don't want to, and then decide do do I like my reason, if you like your reason, run with it, if you don't like your reason, you can explore other options and look for creative solutions. 

Kim Strobel 25:26 

And I love that you're telling people that you can choose to do the things a lot of the time that feel good to you. Because when you feel good when your brains at positive, I mean, I know the research on this right? When your brains at positive, it's 31% more productive than it negative, neutral or stressed. And so purposely choosing to do things that make us feel good a lot of the time, I think is like we're telling you all you have the permission to do that. The other thing I'm thinking about is there are always like creative solutions to problems. Like I'm not somebody who has a ton of laundry like all wear the same pair of jeans, I don't know, four or five times in a row, I just Will you know, and I found like everybody else in my house, I'm doing like Kim's doing her one or two loads of laundry a week. And the kids and my husband, they all have like four loads of laundry and I'm like, Okay, well, this isn't working for me. So when our kids got in fifth grade, they started doing their own laundry, you know? And in my husband, I don't do his laundry. I mean, no, why 

would I do his laundry? I mean, you know, he chooses to like throw everything in the laundry. And so like, honestly, that's something I told myself early on that I was supposed to do it all, but I'm like, I don't have to do all the laundry. So now everybody just, you know, well, we don't have kids in the house anymore. But everybody does their own laundry starting in the fifth grade. Are there times when I'm like, okay, you know, I'm the type that like, as soon as the buzzer goes off, I take it out, I put it away. And I'm like, Hey, you guys have like piles of clean clothes on? Like, you got to move this out of here. Yes. Right. But like, there are some like, I do think we do this to ourselves a little bit. Because we tell ourselves, there's no other choice that we have to do all of this when actually, you know, I think it probably served our kids well that they started doing laundry in the fifth grade. So like we can ask our kids to do more to cook a meal, whatever. 

Angela Robeck 27:24 

A 

Yeah, absolutely. And here's what I want to reiterate like, do not feel badly if you're not questioning, because we haven't been taught to question we don't like we haven't been taught awareness, we haven't been taught to realize like, Oh, that's just a thought I've had been having all these years. I never even thought to think another way, I never even considered that my kids could do the laundry or that I could not cook every night or that I could, you know hired, you know that we could budget and hire delivery service or whatever it is. But there are you don't need like when you don't know what you don't know, you can't think a new thought. So what coaching does, and that's one of the things I know you do, and that I do is we help you see thoughts that you can't even see in it's it's almost like having like driving a car without any rearview mirrors. Like you can't see what's on the side. But with a coach, right? When you have somebody a third brain like a kind of a neutral brain that's coming into your space, and like you're telling your story and they were like, wait a minute, what? Are you sure that's true? Is there anything else you want it want to believe or think about what would if you could dream anything? What would you want for yourself? It opens up the mind to like, Oh, I never even thought I could even go to that space. 

Kim Strobel 28:45 

Yeah, you know, I, I'm a big proponent of that. I mean, my listeners know, I've had a counselor in my life for 20 years, I've had numerous coaches, like I feel like getting that third party neutral party involved in my life is what's really, like you just can't always figure this crap out on your own because it's like you said those thoughts are happening. And you don't even realize they're you're not even aware of the thoughts. You're not aware of these beliefs you've never questioned where these beliefs come from, or why you keep 

doing things the way you keep doing them. And so I think that is some work that women should you know, eventually invest in, whether it is a counselor that they need or a coach or whatever it might be so that they can actually have someone who's helping them see the things they can't see. 

Angela Robeck 29:38 

A 

Right I mean, I like to compare it to fitness coaching because our and here's what's going It is my belief of what's going on in society is that fitness coaching has become a mainstream acceptance. People like obviously like the the elite athletes, they have multiple coaches who are coaching them all the time on like these little teeny tiny adjustments that they can make to uplevel their performance. And now it's become mainstream in general society where we would if somebody has a fitness trainer, nobody thinks anything negative of that. They're, of course, like, you can't know all of the techniques and strategies yourself and you can't see what you're doing with your muscles. When you're working out, you need somebody else to be able to see what your form right. Or if you go to yoga, you have a yoga instructor that's adjusting your hips or the way that you're doing a particular pose. Life Coaching mentorship, like and it doesn't matter if like, if you have a life coach, or you have a business coach or mentor of some kind, professional, personal mentor, there's all kinds of services out there available. But want number one, just like removing the stigma that it that you should, the thought that you should have this all figured out, like you should know how to do life by yourself. That is that that's an obstacle thought right there. And it's actually really painful to think like, I should know how to do all this, and you really don't. But if you were just to admit to yourself, like, I'm not supposed to have this all figured out, I'm not supposed to know what to do. Like, it's normal not to know what to do. Just that thought feels really freeing. Right? Yes. And then you can open yourself up to like, input from other people in your life, and you may want to invest in yourself. And then that's where you get into another limiting belief where it's like, Am I worth it, and this is women, I'm speaking to women right now, we don't think that money in our family should be spent on us. We think it should be spent on the kids, and the careers and the household and the bills and the college expenses. And we let the sports you know, like we everything else, we'll spend 

Kim Strobel 31:46 

five or $10,000 a year getting our kids in the best sport camps. But we can't get we can't allow any of the budget for our own passions, our own. Right, you know, help that we want. And then we wonder why we feel so resentful. Exactly. 

32:02 

Yeah. 

Angela Robeck 32:04 

A 

We won't let ourselves say yes to ourselves. But I'm telling you like when you decide, I'm equally worth, you know, as a member of this family, and I'm a contributing member of this budget, I'm equally worthy of investing in my personal and mental and emotional and physical well being, whatever type of coaching or support systems you want, whether it's a spa day, or a fitness coach, or your personal development person of any kind in your life. Like there's so many different niches out there now, but, 

Kim Strobel 32:39 

and you're not deserving of it after you've had the kids raised, you're deserving of it right now. Right. And I The other thing that I hear is, 

Angela Robeck 32:47 

A 

as a mother, the most empowering thing you can do you can model for your kids is to be the best version of yourself to be the happiest, the strongest, the most emotionally resilient. The that like following your passion, your career, whatever it is you want to do when you're modeling that to your kid. That is, you know, you can define it as you want. But that's how I see people being the best mothers, the best parents possible, because they're showing their kids, they're not just telling them, Go, Go do what you love and do it well, which is what I used to always say to my son Alex, but you're actually showing them go dry love and do well and be the best version of yourself. And this is how it's done. And yes, it's messy. And yes, you have to invest money. And yes, it takes time. And yes, there's some grit and grind to it. But that's a beautiful space to be in when you're doing hard work, but you're doing it for a better cause versus grinding it out in misery and going into the spin cycle of overworking and underwhelmed and I guess we got it got off topic a little bit. But this whole idea of underwhelmed when you aren't doing what you love cooking dinner when you hate it, that's underwhelming, yes. That is not contributing to your family in the way that you love to contribute. That is an underwhelming task. But if you if you like so don't do it, like do something else. Like whatever it is you love to do. Like if I don't know, like as a mother, like, I loved taking my kid out to like, all the museums, and we were we live in the San Francisco Bay Area. So there is a plethora of Yeah, VMs and activities, and I just wanted to expose him to things outside of our little bubble. Right, right. I love that. That's 

Kim Strobel 34:37 

Yeah, and you're right. It's like Yeah, sometimes we all choose. We do sometimes have to buck up and do certain things, but like, we don't have to do all the things that we hate, like we can find some alternative solutions. So I absolutely love that. Okay, so this has been great. I, I knew we would get there with our audience. I think it's gonna be really helpful. I can't wait to hear from them. If you've enjoyed This episode I want you guys to tag. Take a screenshot tag me on Instagram. I'm at Kim Strobel joy. Let me know what you learned from Angela what was helpful? Angela, are you on Instagram too? 

Angela Robeck 35:12 

A 

You bet Angela Kelly coaching. 

Kim Strobel 35:14 

Okay, Angela Kelly coaching on Instagram tag us both. If this has been helpful, and then we'll also drop that in the show notes. And then where else can people find you? Angela? We'll drop that too in the 

Angela Robeck 35:24 

A 

notes. Yeah, for sure. You can find me on my site at Angela Kelly coaching.com. I'm on Facebook at a Kelly coaching. I'm on Twitter and LinkedIn. Excellent. We'll 

Kim Strobel 35:34 

drop all of that in the show notes. It's really been an honor. Thank you for coaching us today. Angela. 

Angela Robeck 35:40 

A 

I just have fun talking to you, Kim. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

Kim Strobel 35:44 

I'm a fun girl. 

Angela Robeck 35:46 

A 

You know, fun to like, 

Kim Strobel 35:47 

people are like, tell my husband. Oh, she's so high maintenance. Isn't she like you can just tell I'm like I am but once you ask him how much fun I am too. 

Angela Robeck 35:56 

A 

Yeah, that's right. Hey. 

Kim Strobel 36:01 

So welcome. Have a good one. Take care.