May 19

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Ep 49| How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed in Motherhood with Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins

By Kim Strobel

May 19, 2021


Today on the She Finds Joy podcast, Kim sits down for a conversation with Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins. Nicole is a board-certified, practicing OB/GYN and mom of two girls who empowers first-time moms to feel supported and prepared for pregnancy and birth. Over the last 15 years, she’s helped more than a thousand babies come into this world and has demystified pregnancy and childbirth for thousands of women through her 5-star rated All About Pregnancy & Birth podcast, her free online birth plan class, and her signature online program – The Birth Preparation Course. 

Interviewing Dr. Nicole Rankins was such a pleasure. I mean, she’s delivered over a thousand babies! Can you imagine? Dr. Rankins authentically shares her own experiences with her two daughters and how the trauma of her first baby’s birth informs why and how she shows up to support, nurture, and educate expectant mothers. 

Dr. Rankins is also an integrative health coach, which means she supports mothers from every aspect of their lives: physical, relational, spiritual, emotional, and financial. Honestly, these are the pillars we should all take a reflective look at in our own lives.  

On top of delivering babies and coaching women, she is a high-achieving, career-oriented woman who desires to serve in a very big way. But, she is also a mother and a wife. She explains some of her favorite tips for juggling all of her roles, while also honoring and loving herself in the process.

Listen On: iTunes | Google Play | Stitcher | Spotify

Tune in to Learn more about…

  • The traumatic birthing experience of her firstborn and how that changed her. 
  • The top fear of expectant mothers. 
  • Why giving mothers choices is so important. 
  • How to advocate for yourself in your healthcare. 
  • The value of an integrative health coach during pregnancy. 
  • Why we feel overwhelmed in motherhood and what we can do about it. 
  • How to create a wellness plan that supports all pillars of our wellbeing and health.

“The number one thing a mother can do is ask for help.” – Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, we’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram Stories and tag me @kimstrobeljoy and Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins @drnicolerankins

Helpful Links

Website: www.ncrcoaching.com

Instagram: @drnicolerankins 

Facebook: www.facebook.com/ncrcoaching

Twitter: @NCRCoachMD

Book:How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind” Huffington Post article: “Why You don’t Have a Health Coach (and Why You Should)

About Dr Nicole Calloway Rankins

Dr. Nicole Calloway Rankins is a board-certified, practicing OB/GYN and mom of 2 who empowers first time moms to feel supported and prepared for pregnancy and birth. Over the last 15 years she’s helped more than 1,000 babies come into this world and has demystified pregnancy and childbirth for thousands more women through her 5-star rated All About Pregnancy & Birth podcast, her free online birth plan class, and her signature online program – The Birth Preparation Course. Visit her website www.drnicolerankins.com and follow her on Instagram @drnicolerankins.

About Kim

Kim Strobel is Chief Happiness Officer at Kim Strobel Live Events and Retreats. She is a teacher, consultant, motivational speaker, happiness coach, and a mission-minded person whose passion helps others overcome their fears and discover their joy!

You can follow Kim’s journey on Instagram at @KimStrobelJoy, and in the free private, She Finds Joy Facebook community.


 Love this episode and want to continue the conversation with me and other like minded individuals? Join the free private, She Finds Joy Facebook community.

 

Kim Strobel 00:04 

Hello, everyone and welcome to this week's episode of The she finds joy podcast. Again, just a little reminder before I introduce our guest, if you can pop over to the she finds joy free Facebook group, you're going to find that that's a place of inspiration where I'm doing a lot of wellbeing trainings, but I'm also doing a lot of real talk about everyday struggles that most of us are having in our lives. And so I would love to have you as a part of that group and I just want to make you super aware of it. Okay, so today I have Dr. Nicole Callaway Rankin's. She is a Board Certified practicing ob gyn and mom of two who empowers first time moms to feel supported and prepared for pregnancy and birth. Over the last 15 years, she's helped more than 1000 babies come into this world. Wow. And has demystify pregnancy and childbirth for 1000s more women, through her five star rated all about pregnancy and birth podcast, which I was lucky enough to be on and her free online birth class and her signature online program, the birth preparation course. I'm going to drop her website and some of her social handles at the end of this podcast, but Welcome to the show, Nicole. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Yes. Oh, I can't wait to dive into this. So. Well, I have so many questions, but let's just start here. How did you become an OB GYN? Yeah, that's a great question. So I've always been like an academically smart cookie, so to speak. So you're very left brain oriented, aren't you? Yes. I actually majored in math and mechanical engineering when of course you did. And then I had sort of 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 02:01 

an in between so I did a three I was three years at Spelman College, which is a historically black college for women in Atlanta. So three years at Spelman in two years, they had a joint program. And I did my engineering degree at North Carolina a&t State University in between that time, I studied abroad for a year in Kenya. So I lived in Kenya for a year. And during that time, I sought a kind of got interested in medicine, I don't know what it was, it was just like a little bit of a plug. That's not like a seed that was planted in my head. And then when I got back, and for a long time, I wouldn't even tell people this story, but I swear, I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I saw myself wearing a white coat. And I was like, I think I want to go to medical school. I'm gonna go to medical school. And now here we are. And for ob gyn specifically, I always knew that I wanted to take care of women and I wanted to do something with my hands that involve like procedures. So it was like the combination of both. So okay, I want to back up then. So is there a particular reason you chose to go to an all black college like Spelman? Yes. So there's certainly something to Well, part of it is historically, my mother went to Hampton University, which is another historically black college, but there's something about being around people who are similar to you who have similar experiences. There's nothing quite like going to an HBCU and getting that sort of baseline, just confidence and support and a whole environment that is designed around your experiences. It's It's magical, really, you know, I was just Do you know who Laura Cathcart Robbins is, she's the host of the only one in the room podcast. 

Kim Strobel 03:52 

I'm not familiar with it. Okay. It's this giant podcast, and she's a woman of color. And she talks about going to, she's a writer. So she's written articles for Huffington Post, and all of these different big time media outlets. And she went to a writer's conference with two of 

her like, favorite people, Cheryl Strayed, who wrote wild and Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray Love, right? And she said that, that experience, she was one of about three people of color in the entire 200 or so that were there. And not only that, but they you know, I'm sure it was a lack of education and everything. But basically, she felt like the only one in the room because they had not censored and taken into consideration that people of color were at this conference. And so she explained how a white woman was up. They're joking about her son getting pulled over by the cops with no understanding of how difficult that is for a person of color. And so she created a podcast That is centered around, you know, these times when we feel like we are the only one in the room. And it really came from, you know, here she is at this writing retreat that she wants to be inspired and has followed these people and they, they just did not have a an understanding or whatever, at that time. But then, of course, with today's times where, you know, as a white 

woman myself, I'm reading the books and trying to learn and educate myself about that. So I can certainly understand why you wanted to be around people that have that shared history with you. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So your mom, she went to college to? Yes, my mom is a she taught math. She was a math teacher. She taught math for 50 years. Wow. What about your dad, my dad did not go to college, he worked at UPS and just kind of old school hard work worked his way up into management. And then when they offered the option of early retirement, he was like, I'm out. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 06:06 

He and they have been married now. Let me see. I'm 46. So they've been married for 57 years. Oh, wow. Incredible. Happily married, I guess. Happily? I for the most part. I mean, we all have our struggles this Yeah, for the most part. Yeah. So I always just like to get to 

know people a little bit. And you must have been pretty adventurous and independent from a young age to go to Atlanta to school, then to go to North Carolina to school. And then you're like, I'm gonna go to Kenya. I mean, this is not what most people do. I want to understand, Nicole, what was it about you at that early age that had this kind of whatever it is this drive question. I don't know if I know a good answer to that. For me. It's all it because people have asked me that before. And for me, it's really like I it's almost like I can't not do the thing. Things just come up feels right. Then I like I just follow that like the question of where will I be in five years or something? I can never answer that question. I have no idea. 

Kim Strobel 07:22 

Your instinct, you follow your soul. And you? And so what did you do for a year in Kenya? Tell us a little bit about that experience? Yes. So we lived with Oh, it was it was college students from various colleges all over the country. But it was through a school called Kalamazoo college, which is in Michigan, I want to say, and they organize this program. So we all lived in this big house in Nairobi. And then we traveled in different parts of the country, we would go stay with families like near Mombasa, we stayed with the family. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 07:56 

Another part in the western part of Kenya, we stayed with families. And we just we did we went to school, we took classes at the University of Nairobi. So it was just a nice experience, and then my parents and came to visit while I was there. And then on the way home. I went to Egypt for a week. And then I went to on the way home, I went to Egypt and then I went to London and then came home. And what was like, different about daily 

life like you live with a family. Yeah, I think it was certainly the probably the biggest realization is that a lot of and understandably so like black people in America feel a connection to Africa. And it's but it's actually we're more of our ancestors are from West Africa. And it was a very distinct realization that I am American. So, even though obviously, my ancestry is African in West, and I've done the ancestry DNA is primarily Nigerian, actually. But I'm very distinctly American. And people looked at me like, and I'm totally comfortable with that. Like, there's not anything wrong with that. But I am, I am American. So I think in some ways, it helped me to have a bit more of a pride and realization and understanding of my ancestors contribution to this country and very much feeling ownership of it. Were you surrounded by a lot of poverty over there? Yes. That the on a whole nother level that is really hard to describe. So 100% a lot of a lot of poverty. And were they suffering a lot as a result of that poverty? I don't know. I think that's some maybe some people were, but a lot of people were happy and did a lot with very little. So yeah, because you know, a lot of the research has actually found that some of the people from the poorest countries are the happiest Yeah, and you 

Kim Strobel 10:00 

so fascinating. It's because I think they have the relationship piece the family piece really down maybe in place. I don't know I I've read a lot about it, but Okay, well, I had to just go there because when you brought up that interesting story, um, 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 10:17 

so you're this ob gyn and tell me what a typical work week looks like for you. So I work as an OB hospitalist, which is a little bit different. So I work on this is a fairly new specialty of medicine, where they compare to comparison, they have like internal medicine, hospitalist, they have ob hospitalist, those are the two biggest hospitalist categories, meaning we only work in the hospital. So I do 24 hour shifts at a time. And I take care of whoever is there while I'm there. For my particular hospitalist group, we're essentially an extension of the private practices that are in the community. So in the evening, and on the weekends, they turn over care of their patients to us. So for them, they don't come in at night or on the weekends, we're, we're there. For us, I have that flexibility, I work 724 hour shifts every 20 days. And then I have the flexibility and freedom to do other things like be there for my children's events and things like that have a podcast and all those kinds of things. So yes, and and so I'm going to get into that to be because you have this whole like, you know, you have these programs, you work with women, but this would be outside of your job at the hospital. Correct? Correct. completely separate from my job at the hospital, although obviously the content is related but completely separate. Okay, so because it's not like somebody has you as their doctor and you walk them through the 

whole nine months of pregnancy. That's, that's one of the disadvantages of being a hospitalist is that I don't have that continuity anymore, right. But I still am able to pretty quickly establish rapport and I think I hope provide very great experiences for women when they give birth. Yes, that's fantastic. Okay, so tell me why birth experiences and, and creating a podcast all around this is so important to you? What's the backstory to that? Yeah, so I definitely had an evolution as a as a physician and understanding how we don't take great care of birthing people in our country and don't center them and the experience, I mean, certainly as a resident, and I did residency, I love my residency training program, I did residency at Duke, it's a it's a rigorous program. And in many ways at that time, it was very traditional in medicine in the sense that, you know, there's a bit of a hierarchy, we would like roll our as at birth plans, and not really understanding that we really should be centering this, this person in this in this experience, and then just over time, just probably as part of my own personal growth and development, realizing this is not right. Like there's something that's not right about what we're doing. And then just shifting and realizing that we really need to put the birthing person at the center of the experience like that is how it should be. And just coming just even little realizations like, it hadn't occurred to me to do things like ask before I did a bachelor exam, not that I was ever mean, but sort of a scenario would be like, Hey, I'm Dr. rankins. I'm here to check your cervix, okay. Put your ankles together, just let your legs relax out just kind of talking through without even being nice without stopping and saying, Hey, is it okay? If we do this thing? Like, let's discuss this, let's talk about it. So just coming to that shift in that realization was really meaningful for me. So part of it is empowering. And I will say, instance, where a patient I said, Is it okay, you know, if I check your cervix and see how dilated it is, and she asked me, Do I have a choice? that really stuck with me, because I want every person every woman, especially to know that you have a choice about what happens in your own body like 100%? Always. So the podcast kind of grew out of like, I initially started a blog when we can talk about how is that my evolution, I started like, health coaching was something that I got interested in that was a little bit challenging for me. And I started a blog and I was writing is like, Oh, my type A, it has to be perfect. And so that was taking too long. And then I myself was a lover of listening to podcast. So I listened to them. And then I don't know something was like, Can I start a podcast and then I just looked and it's really not that difficult to start at all the barriers pretty low, you got to keep it up. That's the harder part but Starting, it's really not that bad. And then like it just kind of grew. And then the childbirth education class was a result of me seeing what I saw and the lack of knowledge and being able to add my own level of knowledge expertise, as a physician who's been in practice for a long time has evolved to a better supportive way. And I'm just, like, really, my my passion and purpose is to be of service. So that's where I come from 100% you know, I have a wonderful ob gyn, Dr. Kristen Warnie and when you are talking about 

Kim Strobel 15:40 

you know, I guess this used to be kind of called bedside manner so to speak, but she will Oh, she it's amazing how she talks to me just one on one woman to woman I never ever fear, feel a sense of superiority or that she's in a rush or she doesn't have time to make a little small talk and she'll do that exact thing like now Kim, I'm going to you know, move 

this over and I'm going to is, you know, is it okay? If I choose to she says that is it. Okay, if I touch your breasts, you know, and it's amazing how comforting it feels when you are asked that. And then she's always also asking about, you know, how do you feel in your life? Do you have lots of energy? Are you feeling good? You feeling stress, like I love that she kind of has this holistic approach, which really reminds me of what you're on a mission to do is to really support the individual holistically was made over this. Yeah. And and I will say, like, part of me wanting to have a more visible presence online is, is that we don't we haven't, I should say, like, there's a lot of bad press. And some of it is warranted, obviously, about what happens in obstetrics. And I didn't feel like there was a presence of the good the good side, like some of us are really are doing good, you know, want to treat people well. So being able to say like, you may have to look, you may have to go for go at different places, but I promise you, there are people out there who who want to do the right thing and treat you well. So empowering people with information so that they can find that better supportive care is certainly part of what I do as well. You know, Oprah always said that you have to advocate for your own healthcare, you have to advocate for your own 100% 100%. So I want to know, you have two children. I do. Tell me about them age, what are the 11 and 13? Boys girls, two girls, okay, what was it like for you to give birth to them? So I'm chuckling but my first one. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 17:46 

She was I was nervous. I was a nervous Nellie like I have a baseline a little bit of anxiety anyway, so I was really nervous during my first pregnancy. And then the one time that I wasn't nervous going to an ultrasound appointment was when we found out that she had with a congenital malformation. So where her intestines weren't connected together. It happens in like one in 10,000 pregnancies, something called duodenal atresia. So it was like she was gonna have to have surgery after birth. Sometimes it's associated with chromosome issues. So I had an amniocentesis chromosomes were fine. You know, so that put me at rest. We met with a pediatric surgeon who's like, okay, most of the time, you know, you just you have your baby, they get the surgery, they get it fixed a couple days after birth, they're in the hospital for like a week, and then no problems. You know, they're, they're doing fine. So we felt like, okay, like, we got through that hurdle. And then I ended up going into labor early. So she had a preterm delivery at 32 weeks. So eight weeks early, I just went into labor. And then I had a C section and for my C section, the anesthesia was 

not working properly, and I could feel what Yeah, when they, they, we do a little test where you clamp and see if you can feel and actually I can feel that so my husband, I've told this story on my podcast, I tell them what, you know, I could I was holding my husband's hand and he was just like, clutching his head. I'm not allowed sort of screamer person. So he said I was just clutching his hand so tight and then I remember they gave me and you know, I understand what's going on because I'm obstetrician so they gave me something through the IV and I was just like, oh god, you just gave me some drugs or something, you know, so that was the experience of having a first child and then she had surgery after she was born she spent a month in the nick you and then like having you did look at your faces like are you serious, right? It's like Yes. She's totally fine now and after once she got home, she was fine, but there was definitely some anxiety of it. adjusting to, you know, catching up and the milestones and having a preterm baby and then I would freak out if she ever spit up cuz Yeah, like is something wrong with the her surgery? And I was gonna say like does Okay, so I have a couple of questions go for this particular incident shape how you show up as a physician today? Oh 100%. Number one, I will never if somebody is saying they are uncomfortable or they are hurting in a C section. And that's like hard stop, because I've been on the other side so that for sure, definitely. I don't always share that I've had a preterm baby, it just kind of depends on the report. But certainly people find it relatable that if I when I can say I have been through this, and I understand what it's like to have a baby That's born early, and there is another side to it. It's hard, and it's not anything that you ever forget. And I cried, I cried every day when she was in the hospital and probably about, I eventually limited myself probably about halfway through her stay limited myself to like, I can cry three times a day. It was like that was my way of like, just get your three in and you know, then next, save it for next to kind of get through the stress of having a preterm baby and all of those kinds of things. So I definitely share that with people how hard and overwhelming it can be. So absolutely, it has shaped me as you ever I mean, I'm somebody who has kind of a spiritual beliefs in wonder if certain things are just divinely supposed we're supposed to experience to shape our mission and our work. 100% I feel like my I mean, I asked for that guidance and belief even that sometimes it's hard to see in the valleys that those things are no, you're like, I don't want that I don't want and I do try and say you know, I believe in the God or the universe or whatever, we'll throw pebbles and then if you don't listen, you're gonna get a rock and then a break and then a boulder until you hit. So I try not to get to the Boulder. 

Kim Strobel 22:15 

Try to listen sooner now. Well, and you know, my my birth story. You know a little bit about it from your podcast. But you know, I was in a difficult situation. I was headed for divorce. My husband and I slept together once a nine months and I got pregnant. And it was just a really difficult emotional pregnancy because I really didn't feel like I was going to be you 

know who I grew up in a Catholic family and you know, who who wants to bring a baby into this world with divorced parents. And it was I was very alone in my pregnancy. And I chose to be because I knew I was disconnected from my spouse but get this I had. He was born 10 days early. He was nine pounds. And he came so fast that I went from three centimeters to nine centimeters in about 10 minutes. Is that even possible? That's it that we don't know. I always said we don't know anything about birth. The human body is capable of anything. Yes, it is possible. And for some people, they're like, Oh my God, that's great. But that can feel really overwhelming. Well, yeah. I mean, as a nurse, what I remember is feeling the intense urge to push because your body's doing that. And she literally had her hand inside of me, right, holding him in until the doctor got there. And then I was over there going, Hey, what about that big needle you're supposed to put in my back? You know, what about the epidural? And they're like, Oh, honey, you've missed the window. And I'm like, No, no, I yeah, so I think like I would maybe that was God's way of like, he gifted me a fairly easy birth because I had had other trauma going on in my life. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 24:01 

Yeah, yeah. And so I don't know how but he was my first so who knows how big he would have been if he was term. But um, so then did so did you have anxiety going into your second? pregnancy? oddly enough, I was very calm. The second time I felt like if we got through the first thing, we did fine. our daughters fine. And I did. I felt very calm and relaxed during the second pregnancy and it was it was easy pregnancy. I never enjoyed like physically. The feeling out the only thing I liked about being pregnant was like feeling the baby move. Other than that, like the I like I had, I was huge. I had carried on huge. It was like my belly was huge. And my butt got even bigger and I already have a big butt and it was like that's it like that's the physical piece and we're like, but the kick 

Kim Strobel 25:00 

If that was the only thing I like that it was easy pregnancy. That's it. It absolutely shocked me was when your milk comes in. I was like, I did not know my boobs could get like this gigantic and this felt like it was crazy. Like, I loved being pregnant. I really did. I was one of those even like, regardless of the circumstances, like I was the opposite of you, right? Like, I just loved the whole thing. Right? Right. It's so interesting. I think it's good for our listeners to hear that it's okay to not like, you know, being 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 25:32 

Yes, you love the end product. But sometimes the process isn't great. When, as you're so 

you're also an integrative health coach, tell me what that even means. Yes. So I went back to do to get trained as a certified Integrative Health Coach. And really, health coaching is just a way to help people form healthy habits in a way that last. So an integrative piece, meaning it takes into account all areas of your life. So not just your physical health, but your emotional how your relationships affect your health, your finances can affect your health, your physical environment can affect your health, how all of those things come together in order to influence your health. So certainly, many of the foundational elements that I learned there, I bring into my work with my childbirth education class, and with the podcast and things like that. And so when someone enrolls in your, your childbirth preparation course, tell me what that even looks like. Yeah, so I don't do any like one to one coaching any more specific or offer like specific coaching services, it's more than just the skills that I've learned kind of permeate through what I what I do. So if you want to enroll in my course, it's completely online. When you enroll, you see all the lessons, everything's there. It's about 10 hours of content for the course. And then there's a Facebook group that goes along with the course where I answer questions, and there's more engagement there. But the course itself is like all their pre recorded that kind of thing. And you can start at any time, you can start at any time. So if I have a pregnant mother listening to this podcast right now, and she's like, I want I want to find this Where can she find it? Yes, she can go to my website, Dr. Nicole Rankin's calm, and it is everything is there. And I will link that in the show notes. Now, when as you work with women, what do you find that most women are struggling with as mothers? I especially I have a soft spot for first time, moms especially. But it's really just the fear of giving birth, like people are. 

Kim Strobel 27:41 

People are terrified of giving birth. I have a theory on this go for is that our mothers told us terrible stories, which maybe weren't true back then. Right? Of how painful it was. Right? Right, right. And then you don't really see the picture depictions on TV are all fake. And in the movies and stuff, you don't really know what to expect, you don't know what real birth looks like. So the biggest thing I find is that people are just afraid of giving birth. Because they're fearful of the pain associated with it, you're full of the pain, just I think a lot of it is just the fear of unknown and not and some people just have a fear of like, Can I can I do this? You know, can I even do this? Yeah. Now, what are you going to say to because I have a lot of moms who listen who have young children, and they are just they just, they're just so overwhelmed. And they really are struggling with their role, I think as partner as wife as mother. And so what are your thoughts on like, okay, I mean, I'm kind of being the devil's advocate here. But are we just supposed to suck it up for the next 18 years and be like, Hey, this is what parenting is? Absolutely not. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 29:03 

So I, you know, myself struggle with this, you know, I was still practice full time as an obstetrician and then starting this business and having two children and a husband who I adore. You know, he was like this, this, this is not gonna work, I gotta do something. Because you're, you're spending so much of your time, like in the business and things like that. So number one, I would say is ask for help, wherever you can get help if you can. So for me, I have like an assistant. He does a tremendous amount of things. And part of it is like, not wanting to feel like I can't do all the things but I can't do all the things. So in our household, he he gets our girls ready for school, most mornings. He takes them to school. He picks them up from school, he enjoys it, so and so he's very helpful in that regard. This is The assistant right those of my husband who Oh, okay, that hasn't been okay. So yeah, kind of doing some of those things. Okay. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So and he, we kind of split cooking responsibilities. He's the better cook, but, but he helps out and then my assistant does, honestly, I love her. She's like, my job is to make your life easier. Like, that's what you're paying me for. So she takes on so many things in that within the business. And it's not a ton right now. We're about 40 hours a month. So it's not like overwhelming, but it's enough that it gives me breathing room, for sure. And then just setting boundaries and realizing that it is not just okay, but necessary for me to take time for myself. Is it reasonable to say that every woman should take time every single day for herself? I think that's very reasonable. very reasonable, and it doesn't have to be a lot and you shouldn't feel guilty. Like, I felt guilty because like my, like I said, my husband gets the girls ready for school in the morning. And then I just felt like, what I felt guilty because I actually use that time and I work out like, that's when I workout. That's when I do my yoga in the morning. And, and I felt like, I should feel bad because I'm not like getting in. It's like, he's like, I'm okay with it. So you should 

Kim Strobel 31:24 

know what that is. It's a social script, that it's a belief system that is in us as women that says, You're not a good mom, if you're not doing all the things, even though it's not 100 years ago, when that was your sole job, you know? And the other thing that I love hearing you say, is it I mean, it's obvious that, that you're an intellectual, driven, career driven woman, and that that part of you is very important as well. You are a high achiever, so to speak. 100% Yes, yeah. And so figuring out a way how to honor that part of you, while also figuring out which pieces your family gets, which pieces your girls get, which pieces you get, and and how do we So I really encourage women to take time everyday for themselves. But here's what they say, Kim, I just feel so guilty. I just feel so guilty. Do you have any tips for them for overcoming that guilt? I want to see what you think about that. Yeah, that's, that's, that's hard. Other than just, you really just have to believe that, that 

you are worthy of it. And that, when you do that, you actually bring your best self to the rest of what you have going on in your life. Like the whole filling your cup first is so true. You You can't be present in all of the other areas without really taking care of yourself. So it's actually it's not, it's not selfish at all. It is it's necessary, and it'll help you in the long run to be a better version and all of the roles in your life that you play. Yes, I agree. And I tell people like, here's what you need to know, you're going to feel uncomfortable when you start to do this, because it's not the new normal for you. So yeah, I tell them feel the anxiety, feel the guilt, and then do it anyway. Exactly. 100%. And yeah, he's doing that over and over again. And then, you know, the other thing I always think about is we have to really think about what we're modeling for our own daughters who are watching how we mother Yes, and highly important. I I actually have involved my girls and explaining to them like, I'm doing this online business and I'm building this thing and I'm like, Hey, girls, I have a sale this weekend, or I have this project this weekend. Here's what I'm working on. Here's what we're here are ways that you can help support me or I would love for your support in this and they like to be involved. They like to know they support they will call me on like, did you do such and such because that's involving them in the process has been really lovely. And explaining it so that they know. I totally fairly young mother one time I said, you know, do you want your girls to grow up and have had a mommy who models that she loves herself enough to know that she counts to 100 Yeah, yeah. Or do you you know, want to constantly kind of model this? Well, you have to just give everything up as you become a mother and you become depressed and reason I always say like, most women who are like older than 60 are depressed, angry, resentful women because they never knew they got to. They counted along the way. Exactly. Exactly. For sure. Yep. Fantastic. So well, I just, I love how you want to. It's almost as if through your course and your program. You're trying to help expectant mothers consider all of these different pieces in their life and bringing them together for like this, this whole beingness this well, beingness and taking care and advocating for themselves. I feel like that is such an important message and 100% Yeah, so this podcast is called, she finds joy. So hi, I would like to know, Nicole, how are you reaching for more joy in your life right now? And what does that look like? That's a good question. So I have definitely, you know, I used to feel like I had to be like, on my days when I'm not at the hospital, and it takes me even, you know, I work 24 hours, and then I have to recover the next day. And the older I get the text. 

Dr. Nicole Rankins 35:44 

So I would try to like pack things in and schedule things. But now like, I have backed away from that, like my theme for 21 of my words for 2021 is ease. Like, this does not have to be difficult. I'm not just I'm not instead, I'm just not doing it. So it's going ease always remind myself has to you know, ease. That's how it should be. That's how it can be like, so I aim to 

get to my desk roughly nine o'clock. So I work out in the mornings when I'm not, you know, I do yoga, I love yoga. So I usually do yoga in the morning. So I work out. I try to shut down, I'll actually pretty consistently I shut I will work at night and things like that I stop and I just literally will just close the computer after dinner like this, where you're not going to open it just keep in it. It's a work in progress. I'm better some days than others. But overall I'm doing doing well. Shut it down. Realizing that it can wait like it really can wait. And then being intentional about giving myself some joy also means like just space to do nothing sometimes. 

Kim Strobel 36:58 

I love I love the word ease to like just the word feels light. It just what a great reminder that you are allowed to have ease in your life. Yes, yes. 100% Yes. So just those are the things that that that bring me down. And of course there's you know, as a corollary to that spending more time with my family, more quality time. We're all like trying to back down from our devices and things like that. So all of it kind of connects together for sure. Yeah. Where can people find you? I know you gave the website site Dr. Nicole Rankin's calm and we'll link that but are you on social media as well? I am and I'm on Instagram is the place where I am the most and I'm there at Dr. Nicole Rankin's also, okay. And well, but I'm everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Dr. Nepal 1000. But the place I'm most activist Instagram, and I don't feel like we can in this episode without giving a shout out to your husband. What's his first name? A Falcon like the bird Falcon. Okay, let's just give a shout out to Falcon and maybe he can create a class for men who can learn to be very sounds like he's so good at sharing parental responsibility. I have to say he is wonderful. I am having amazing house. Yes. So he is needed in our world. Yeah, he's he's very much like, this is just what has to be done. And we're just going to jump in and do it. And if part of it is I have to do this, then yeah, this is almost like he's honoring your mission in this life as well as such a supportive partner to to help you be able to serve all that you want to with ease and 100% Yes, for sure. For sure. Well, thank you so much for being here. I I've loved this conversation. I love your realness. And it's just been a pleasure. Well, thank you for having me on. It was a joy talking to you and I can't wait to until your episode airs on my podcast. I want to see if they come out the same time. Yes.

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