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October 6

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Ep 59 | Transformed by Trauma: A Story of Growth & Healing

By Kim Strobel

October 6, 2021


Jill Krzyzanowicz is an author, accomplished educator, and personal empowerment mentor who is currently enrolled in my 90 Day Coaching program. Through our conversations, we’ve discussed how Jill embodies the idea of “stepping into the Arena of Bigness.” From growing up in a chaotic house filled with violence, battling cancer, multiple weight-loss surgeries, and a newly sober lifestyle, Jill explains how within every adversity lies a silver living.  

She shares her personal story of being raised by a mother who couldn't love, and how she was able to eventually forgive her mother and come to understand her soul and journey. Jill is also simultaneously aware that her mother is exactly why she is the woman, mother, speaker, and author she is today. 

What’s in the episode: 

  • The trauma of Jill’s childhood and how it taught her self-love and self-loyalty.

  • The story of Jill’s spiritual awakening, which gave her a new perspective on the lingering trauma from her mother.

  • How she used forgiveness to heal her own life. 

  • Why Jill chose not to visit her mother on her deathbed. 

  • How she stays grounded in her own boundaries, beliefs, and self-respect while navigating hard things. 

“My third-grade teacher, Mr. Messina, was not all about academics. He was all about relationships and that changed my life...” - Jill Krzyzanowicz

Helpful Links 

Website: www.justbeingjill.com 

Instagram: @justbeingjill

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/justbeingjill

Email: Jill Krzyzanowicz <[email protected]

 About Jill 

After 22+ years in public education, Jill Krzyzanowicz decided to use her master’s degree and extensive teaching experience to become a personal empowerment mentor. Last year, Jill began writing her personal self-help memoir. This soon-to-be-published book outlines a lifetime of challenging situations and the tools she used to overcome adversity. She is the creator of the blog site, justbeingjill.com where followers can find motivation and inspiration for everyday, real-life connections.


About Kim

Kim Strobel is Chief Happiness Officer at Kim Strobel Live Events and Retreats. She is a teacher, consultant, motivational speaker, happiness coach, and mission-minded person whose passion is helping others overcome their fears and discover their joy!

You can follow Kim’s journey on Instagram at @KimStrobelJoy and in the free private She Finds Joy Facebook community.

Transcript

Kim Strobel 00:04 

Hello, everyone, welcome to today's show. Again, I want to remind you before we get started, if you can hit the subscribe button in your podcast app, then you will never miss an episode of she finds joy. And I have to tell you all right before I started recording, I just opened up my statistics and I saw that we have people, we have 766 people in the US. We have people in Pakistan, Germany, Belgium, you're up all of these places. And so I just want to tell you all I see you on my map, I see that you're listening, and I am so thankful for that. Today, I want to introduce Jill Cristina Vich. And Jill, after 22 years in public education, decided to use her master's degree and her teaching experience to become a personal empowerment mentor. 

Last year, Joe began writing her personal self help memoir, this soon to be published book outlines a lifetime of challenging situations, and the tools she used to make it to the other side of adversity. And as most of you know, that's what this podcast is all about. It's not just about finding joy or walking around with smiles plastered on our face. It's about talking about the really hard things in our life, and how we can muster up the courage to overcome them, and really peel back the layers and create an even better version of ourselves. So Jill, she grew up in a very chaotic household of violence.

She has also recovered from cancer, let me just tell you, that's a crazy story in itself. She's had multiple weight loss surgeries, and a newly sober lifestyle. She is also the creator of the blog site, just being Jill calm, where you can find motivation and inspiration for everyday real life connection. Joe, I love that. Thank you for coming on today. Thank you for having me. My pleasure. So I have to give you guys the back end. I think Joe could be my soul sister, or maybe I don't know, Jill, maybe we were sisters in a previous life. You know, you and I are into all of that we're almost cut from the same mold in several ways. But Jill actually, the way that I found her or I don't know, she found me Is she enrolled in my 90 day, big, bold and brave coaching program. And as I soon discovered, Jill is a go getter she is very much interested in or you are very much interested in doing the hard work so that you can expand and evolve yourself. 

And I just love that about you, Joe. Thank you. And I have a great mentor to help me along my way. Yeah, I know like, before we get into the heart of your story, I want to know because we're about oh my goodness, are you feeling the anxiety? Because we're really about 80% of the way through my program? Yes, every time I look at the magical number, and it's like the next number further. I'm like, Oh, no, we're getting so close to the end. Yeah, we don't want it to be overdue. We want it. It's so great. Having a community and connecting even with all the different levels of where we women are at, there's so much to learn from each other. And it like you said, as soon as I started talking with you, I knew why I was guided to join the program, which I did without hesitation. And it just it's been very fulfilling. What was it Gil, that about me that made you like because this this is, you know, this is a big deal.

 I mean, this is an intensive coaching program, you've got to do the work on yourself. You've got to take action, you get coached and not cheerleading by me. But what was it? I'm curious? Well, I think first and foremost, when I heard your bio and realize that you were an educator who also took a big leap and pivot into something completely different. That was the first thing that inspired me to Okay, I need to tune in and see what she has to say. And then when I saw what the program is about, and of course had the discovery call with you. I just immediately knew with the with the level of comfortableness I had in telling you my story that it was just something I was supposed to do that you were the person that was going to show me the next steps toward where I needed to head and I had done a lot of personal development as far as reading books, I listened to the blogs, I read the books, I have every self help book on my shelf, just like YouTube. But the one component that was missing was the action, the actual practical application of what to do with all of these topics that were stirring around in my head. So I had heard of limiting beliefs, but I had no 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 05:00 

for taking the time to sit down and figure out what they were and how to utilize them or get rid of them. Same thing with my character traits. I know what my strongest character traits are. But I never really wrote them out and saw how I could be using them to better myself. So your program has done a really great job helping me with the application part of all the personal development and ideas that I've been that you're putting into action. Like you're launching your own podcast, you're wrapping up the book that you wrote, you've launched your own website, like you're going to you have 

Kim Strobel 05:33 

a plan piece together of how you're going to put yourself out into the speaking world, like you're doing all the back end work. I mean, I feel like that's such a huge part of it. You know, of course, I also think sometimes, not that everybody in my program is a school teacher. It's funny, though I, a lot of them are school teachers, I never thought school teachers would be the number one person in my in my like, coaching program, but so far, we're running at about, like, 75% of our, but they teacher sometimes I think make the best students to because we're like nerdy like that. We're like, okay, whatever she tells me to do, like, I'm gonna do it. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 06:09 

Yeah, I don't want to miss out on the opportunity and sell myself short. So I've been trying to really stay on task and do each exercise and see what I get from it. And like I said, even if the topic itself seems familiar, or something I might have already known about, there's always a component or a test or a challenge that goes along with it, that helps me to another point of view, 

Kim Strobel 06:28 

that implementation piece, I think is so important, you know, so many of us can say, Oh, well, I want to increase my abundance, or I want to make more money, or I want to have more freedom and flexibility, or I want to start my own business or whatever it is that people want. But what I find is you can want it all you want. But if you're not willing to invest in yourself, if you're not willing to actually get a coach that can walk you through that process, then your likelihood of achieving it, I feel like is so much lower. And that's why I become I'm like a course junkie like I I'm taking a course right now. And I will tell you I'm already I've already got the next one I know I'm gonna take like once you get into this, it you see the results that you start getting with accountability in your life. And then you're like, I need more of it. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 07:11 

I mean, I agree wholeheartedly and fine actually all started about a little over a year ago. And I took my first course to help me get jump started with book writing. And ever since then, I've been making small investments in taking courses and you're right, it's addicting. I just want more. 

Kim Strobel 07:28 

And what's crazy is Jill, you and I were in the same writing course. I How crazy is that with Andrew? Oh, you know, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 07:35 

you're crazy, super crazy. That's actually what brought me to you is that I was listening to her podcast, she had been promoting you and talking about you and your program. And that's how I stumbled across you and signed up for your newsletter. And then we started talking and lo and behold, we were in that together. And I had no idea I had known 

Kim Strobel 07:53 

that funny. That's how the stars align. Well, Jill, I know that as we've really kind of gone through my program, you've been very transparent about this road of healing your own trauma in your life. And for you that healing has looked like reading and writing. But this book that you're putting out into the world and you've just told us like little pieces of it and all of us on the group coaching call are just like we can't wait to get this book in our hands because there's so much to the story behind this beautiful woman who I don't know if you guys if you're not watching the video of this, you know, Jill has got like great hair, beautiful face beautiful skin, pretty blue eyes, and just looks like she has kind of honestly, Joe, you You look like a pretty classy woman. Like just like you You got shit together. And life is grand. And it felt kind of looks like maybe it's always been like that for you until we get into your story. So I want to know what, what made you want to write this book? And can you tell our audience about some of the trauma and adversities in your life? Sure. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 09:03 

So I've always known that there's been a book deep down inside me. And I guess that comes along with the fact of the that I have a lot of stories and I have had a lot of challenges throughout my life. And unfortunately they started when I was quite young. I was raised in a house where my parents split when I was very young. They were both severe alcoholics, there was a lot of neglect. But that was not the worst of it. The worst of it was when my mother remarried when I was very young, to a man who brought a lot of violence into our home. And I basically saw my mother beaten on a daily basis. And there are a lot of horror stories that revolve around that part of my life, including them kidnapping my siblings and I in taking us to Florida and keeping us from my father who was searching for us and it just got worse from there. Luckily at around age 13 or 14 I emancipated myself from my parents legally through the court system, at what age do I was about 13 or 14. So at 

Kim Strobel 10:07 

13 or 14 years old, you actually go to court and you emancipate yourself from your parents, 

10:13 

correct, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 10:14 

they were no longer liable for me. And luckily, I had a grandmother, who lived nearby was very poor and didn't have much herself, but she was able to kind of take me under her wing for those next couple of years. Until then, I put myself through college. And how did you do that? Jill, I 

Kim Strobel 10:34 

mean, how you had nothing. I mean, you're 13 years old, for for all your life. You've watched your mom on a daily basis, get physically and emotionally beaten in and just all of that, you know, physical trauma was that ever turned on you, by the way by your stepdad? 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 10:53 

I am delighted to say no, he never physically touched us. Thank 

Kim Strobel 10:57 

okay. Yeah, we 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 10:58 

had, we had a lot of crazy incidences where we were held at gunpoint and things like that. And, of course, this is all covered in the book. Yes, 

Kim Strobel 11:06 

yeah. Okay, so you're covered. Yeah. So you're going through this, you get yourself emancipated. You're living with a grandmother who has no money. And I think this story is so important to because, you know, a lot of people don't see a way out, they don't see a choice. And so how did you get yourself enrolled in college? How did you pay for college? What did that look like for you? 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 11:28 

So basically, because I lived with my grandmother and was emancipated from my parents, I was a ward of the court, I literally received at that young age welfare each month. And because I was a welfare recipient, I qualified for state finances to go to college. So basically, it was paid for, thank goodness. But the reason I went to college was because back in the day, when this trauma was all at its worst, let's say when I was in third grade, I had the world's greatest teacher. And this teacher was not all about academics. He was all about relationships. And he made me feel like a million dollars every day when I came to school, and he was very aware of the crazy life that I was living at home. And it was at that exact moment in time that I knew that I was going to grow up and become a Carmen Messina for some other child in the world. And from that day forward, I knew I would be a teacher. So regardless of the circumstances, I knew I needed to go to college, I needed to become a teacher. I knew at a very young age that that was my life's calling. 

Kim Strobel 12:33 

And Joe, what was this teacher's name? Carmen Messina, Carmen Messina. And it was like, Yeah, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 12:39 

he was a guy, he was like a big giant teddy bear. I had a total crush on him, not in a love lover kind of way, but a 

Kim Strobel 12:47 

paternal kind of way. Like he just felt like a big dad, teddy bear. And he gave me all the attention and guidance and confidence I needed in that one year of school to say, I'm going to grow up and be just like him. Isn't that the I just have goosebumps, like, sometimes we just forget. Because, you know, the teaching profession, our paycheck does not mirror our value in any way. And it's really easy to almost feel like we don't have value when expectations kit keep being placed upon us. And we really feel like sometimes we're losing our life to the profession. But just you saying that it's like sometimes we forget that the value of a teacher and what they can do to change the 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 13:30 

factory. And you know, can I had a wonderful opportunity, because when I got hired, I actually got hired in the school district that I attended as a child and Mr. Carmen Messina was still there for about his last two years of teaching. So when he was set to retire, I was asked to do his retirement speech. And I was in a room of probably about 250, teacher union members, we were at a hotel. And I'll never forget delivering that speech because I opened it up by saying, when I got to college, one of the first tasks I had was to write an essay about the best teacher I ever had, and the worst teacher I ever had. Of course, it was a no brainer that I was going to write about Mr. Messina. But the coolest thing was, was in that room that day was the best and worst teacher I ever had. And I said it out loud. I did not I did. And it was the most gratifying moment of my life because I said, How ironic that when I was tasked to write it, I knew he would be here and how ironic that they're both in this room today. And it was one of the most gratifying moments of my life because I wanted every teacher in there to know their their their personal impact. 

Kim Strobel 14:46 

That is so powerful. So So did you name him by name that other person or that I did not? I did not? You said there in the room too. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 14:54 

And that person knew exactly who they were and I had two people approached me later after it and And they said, We knew who you were speaking about. And a lot of it boiled down to my older sibling who was much smarter than I was who went up the pipe in school before I did. They, I had a lot of accountability to measure up to his expectations. And I had one teacher in particular, who was very crude and cruel. And anyhow, it was just a it was a wonderful thing to be in the district to be able to deliver that speech. And let him know that he inspired me to be who I am today. What 

Kim Strobel 15:27 

did he do when you spoke about that? 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 15:31 

Oh, that I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. I mean, it was really and again, this goes to show you the public speaking that I feel is possibly in my view. This is it just felt right. It felt comfortable. I was so happy to have been able to say the words that I did. And he was obviously delighted to receive them. 

Kim Strobel 15:49 

And this is one of your signature keynotes, I hope you know that like this story is because for me, one of my keynotes that I give is all about helping people remember their why like why they chose this profession profession, because it's really easy to get lost into the fray. 

And we really break it down. And then I share up there some of my why's, which is a former fourth grade student that I taught who I believe completely changed me as a teacher. And then I share a couple of other stories and then I have teachers really dig deep and do their why your story plate this, this is one of your signature talks like this story needs to be shared with educators of the impact that that teacher had on your life. And then the one that didn't, that is so powerful, I can't help but coach you Joe, here I am interviewing you on the podcast and we're gonna do this. I 

16:40 

love it. Any feedback is is great. 

Kim Strobel 16:44 

Okay, so you emancipate yourself from your parents? Do you have any contact with your parents between the ages of 13 to college? 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 16:52 

I do. Um, I've always had a very on and off a strange relationship. So with both my mother and my father, who, of course, have been divorced for a long time already, I go through spurts on both of them are, you know, have mental issues, they're both alcoholic. So it would go like, I would talk to one of them for a year or two, then something would happen. And we wouldn't talk for a couple years. Same thing would happen on the other side. So there was sporadic, sporadic visitations and connections throughout there. 

Kim Strobel 17:22 

And I know that you say that you had a mother who couldn't love. Tell me about that. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 17:28 

So when I began writing the book, I really thought I was going to be spilling out all of these stories that I had built up inside of me. And it was really about just getting what was in my head out on onto a piece of paper. What I didn't realize was that really, my story was about my healing process with my mother, my mother, who never loved me who wasn't nurturing who was incapable of connecting and being there for me. And there's so many stories that will be in the book that that outline that but I didn't realize at the time that that's what the book was going to be about. So as I began writing the story, I began to realize, after I kind of did each chapter of each thing, I could remember that there was this silver lining, or this nugget inside of each thing that was a gift, like an incident happened. But then when I read it back to myself, I saw the gift that was in that moment and what I gained, and it give me an example of that, Jill. So for example, in my early years, when I was neglected, I learned how to self love, and self love is what carried me through my entire life. I have never lacked there, I've never lacked in self love. I've never had poor self esteem. I've always loved myself and given myself anything I've needed, or you know, yearned for. And that that's came from a very early age because they couldn't love me, I've learned to love myself. 

Kim Strobel 18:58 

So you self soothed down yourself, which meant that you learned from an early age not to count on anybody else to bring that to you that that was an internal thing from that came from you. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 19:09 

Correct. It was a sad way that it was developed. But all of these things like resiliency and self love and perseverance. Every single one of these traits stemmed from my adversity in my challenging times. And as I was writing it on the paper, and coming up with all of these things, and realizing, oh, I had a teacher that I turned to, oh, I had a neighbor who helped. I thought, wow, I'm really creating a toolbox here of all the different things I turn to through these difficult times. And I realized that my memoir could then potentially have this self help spin where I could say, doesn't matter what age you are, where you are in life, if you look back, or if you're there now, you can see the tools that you can use to get you through this. 

Kim Strobel 19:56 

I love that and I too, I think that it's hard to do when You're immersed within the difficult situation, it's almost like you have to come through it, and then have the ability to look back through reflective eyes. I know even just yesterday, you know, with my panic disorder, and I'm doing some other things just because I really, I got set back a couple of years ago with it. And I have not fully recovered from that. And I felt frustrated yesterday thinking like, most people don't have to fly to Atlanta and do $8,000 worth of brain scans to make sure that the therapy they're using to heal their panic disorder is really the right therapy for and I started like getting into that like, nasty spot again, where it's like, why is this so hard for me, and then I was sitting somewhere, and I don't know, if somebody came up to me, and they're just like, I just want you to know, like, you just inspire me so much with your story understanding that you have struggle to. And so I was kind of like, I do understand that without panic disorder, this version that is in front of everyone today would not be here. But I am also not gonna lie and go, but sometimes maybe I would have been okay, just staying like a school teacher and not ever having panic disorder. Like, I don't know, sometimes it still does feel easier, you know, because 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 21:10 

that's hard. Absolutely. And so the writing, the writing was the healing. But at the same time, there was something else simultaneously happening. And that was I was having a spiritual awakening. And I had no idea what it was, I had never had one before. My spiritual awakening, woke things up in me that have always been there. But I have long since suppressed and didn't recall, remember. So as I'm writing my book, I'm also reading lots of other books, I was kind of guided to names like Gabby Bernstein and Louise Hay, and all of these names with that are, you know, famous with the law of attraction, and you get what you put out. And as I started reading, I had an epiphany that I had actually manifested my life. There's a really endearing story in my book about a time when I was sitting in my grandma's house when I was very young. And I had the Christmas wish book, and I was making a list. And she came over to ask me if it was my Christmas wish list. And I said, No, it's not for me, it's for my daughters, when they grow up, I don't want this stuff, we have to put this in a safe place. And at that time, I had basically come up with what I was going to manifest for my life. And then in writing this book, I remembered this flashback with my grandmother. And I remember the conversation with I had her and with her. And I had realized that everything I thought of as a child at that point that I wanted for myself, that I obviously did not have in the family I was immersed in, had literally come true from the husband to the two daughters to the house we live in, I had manifested everything. And I felt like I had only gone to that point. And that the universe was waking me up again, to say, this is not the end of your road. It's time now to pick up the rest of it. 

What do you want? 

Kim Strobel 23:07 

Where are you headed? Isn't it interesting that you can pinpoint that kind of spiritual awakening. And for those of you who are listening, I mean, I have that too. And I don't know how you describe a spiritual awakening. I mean, you kind of gave us a description of what that was like for you. For me, it was as if someone did a download on me. And all of a sudden, I started to look more expansively at the world. And I started to tune into all of the superpowers that are available for me to tap into that I just didn't know before. And I remember like, even my at a cellular body, like my body just started vibrating, just feeling like it's almost like a secret door, right? That nobody knows is there. And then you discover it and you go through it. It's almost like the lion and the Witch and the Wardrobe and you like go through it. And there's this whole other like universe available for you. And it changes the way you look at things. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 24:11 

It absolutely does. And I'm so grateful for that awakening and that remembrance of what we really have deep deep inside. And so this all tied in in that there was one book in particular, the book I read, called the instruction by Ainslie MacLeod and 

Kim Strobel 24:29 

I'm looking forward on my bookshelf right now because look at look for those watching this book here. Yes, keep talking, Gil. Okay, so 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 24:38 

this book was the pivotal book, in that I had spent my whole life thinking that I grew up motherless and with a mother that you know, didn't love me for whatever reason, having those feelings of rejection having those feelings of not enoughness and why why couldn't she love me? And it wasn't until I've read that book. There is That I've really recalled and remembered that we're all just a soul. And we all have our own soul contracts, we all have our own soul journeys. And that book right there made me understand in one or two chapters, that it was never ever about me. And it was always about my mother. And suddenly, so many things came into perspective for me my relationship with my own daughters, my relationship with everybody else in the world. And I just was able to take this giant step back and say, Wow, that was not even about me, you know, this woman had her own demons and struggles. And that's when I began the path of forgiveness. So forgiveness truly began, when I read that book, while I was writing my book, all of these things just started intersecting and it was just, it wasn't it is a beautiful healing process. 

Kim Strobel 25:51 

You know, we're gonna drop that book in the links of the show notes. And I actually am going to reread that book because I'm struggling with forgiveness again, a little bit. And I haven't read that book in probably 10 years. So I have now brought it off the bookshelf. And I think you're the person to tell me it's time to reread that. But I also want to know, Jill, and of course, we're needing to wrap up here soon. But there's a few other pieces that I need to understand. What did forgiving your mother, what does that even look like? Because you did not you did not get another relationship you didn't like start having a relationship with her or any, anything like that, what did forgiveness look like for you and feel like, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 26:31 

so it was very difficult to forgive her. For all the years that that we were estranged with, from one another, I didn't really know how to do it, because I like most people thought or believed that forgiveness was you know, having to actually get face to face with the person and say, I forgive you. And I'm sorry. And you know, brush it all aside. And it took reading several books, including that book and doing a little bit of soul searching and researching to understand that forgiveness is never about the other person. It's about yourself. And I was seeking inner peace. And that's what I found. You know, forgiveness is an action. It's very difficult. But it's that willingness to let go and you're not condoning the behavior, you're not saying the behavior is okay. But you're saying it happened, I'm moving past it. I'm no longer letting it steal my thoughts steal my thunder, I'm moving past it. Now. It is what it is. There's nothing we can do to change it. And I also realized, I didn't have to say that to her directly. And I never did get the opportunity to say that to her directly. She recently just passed away. But I would say then my prayer, and I would send her love and light. And those were all things I was never able to do before. Till I had this awakening to remind me that I could love her from afar. I could forgive her from afar, and I have reset my inner peace because of it. 

Kim Strobel 27:56 

That is so powerful. So would you say that forgiveness got you to a place of neutrality? 

28:02 

Absolutely. 

Kim Strobel 28:03 

Yeah. So like, I know that I haven't forgiven a certain people because I keep talking about the injustices that they did to me. And I'm just being a real human being here with all of everyone who's listening. It's something that I definitely have to continue to work on. And the way that I know I haven't is because until I'm able to get into a neutral place with them, then I will know I am there. But this idea to and I've heard it so many times, you know, you should pray for your enemies, you should pray for their wealth, their health, their happiness. And oh, it's so hard to do Jill and at first. And I'm gonna guess like, it's okay to pray for it. Knowing that your innermost heart maybe doesn't really want that for them. But you're just kind of asking God to just take that and heal that woundedness inside of you in eventually it, you are able to pray it and say it with meaning is that kind of how it works? Definitely very difficult in the beginning, but as time goes on, and you dig in deeper, and believe it more and more, it's that neutrality, like you said, it's 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 29:10 

not like, oh, everything's beautiful. And many people will read the book and think, how could you ever forgive? I mean, there's, there's some things in there that you would personally believe don't warrant forgiveness. Yes, but you have to do it for your own personal sake. That's just all there is to it. 

Kim Strobel 29:27 

So what else was interesting, Jill is during this my program that you're in, we had a group coaching call and your mother who you said actually lived about a mile down the road from you that you had not seen and how long four years? Yeah, in four years, and you knew that she was dying, and that she was a day or two away from dying and you chose not to go back and have any kind of closure with her. And each and every person gets to decide what is the Right Path for them, some people would need to do that. But what was so astounding to me is that you knew that you did not need to do that. And I want to, I want you to explain that because you even talked about how there were neighbors and people were saying, like, if you don't go kind of say goodbye to your mom, right before she dies, you're going to regret it. And I just want you to kind of walk us through that, Jill. 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 30:26 

Sure. So when she was ill, at the very end here, I got a phone call from my brother, who also lived in her household who I also haven't spoken to in a couple of years. The both of them suffered terribly from addiction, and my mother actually passed away from liver cirrhosis and drinking herself to death. So approximately four years ago, I made the conscious decision that I could not stand by and watch her do this anymore. Essentially, she was killing herself and a slow, painful death, and her sister had died in the exact same way, just a handful of years before. And, you know, I told her, I kind of gave her the ultimatum that I couldn't and wouldn't watch this anymore. This is what she chose, then this is where I was going to exit the stage. And, you know, good read. And she said, basically, so I, in that moment, in that decision, I said my goodbyes, then I prepared myself for when the call would come, what I was going to do to handle the situation. And I had vowed to myself then made that boundary that I would not look at her and that suffering phase of dying. I don't know if you know anybody who has died of liver cirrhosis, but it's a horrific death. And I had phone calls, like you said, if people calling me to say do you need to rethink it, don't you think you should go and let her know. And I was very strong and my conviction and upheld that boundary. And I was so proud of myself for it. Because as far as I was concerned, she had died a long time ago. Yes, the person that I knew her to be died a long time ago. And she was just suffering in this body for so long. So I think that's another one of those steps we take to loving ourselves. I know, I heard in one of your podcasts, a woman referred to it as that self loyalty. Yes, just one of my strongest traits. And unfortunately, it's because of her darkness that I was led to light. And so self loyalty is one of my great personality traits that I have. 

Kim Strobel 32:29 

And what I loved is on that group coaching call, you did not and this was a day or two after she had died, and you did not carry guilt you did not like, I think that so much of the time, we carry guilt around which is never helpful, right? guilt only works if you can change the behavior, and you want to change the behavior for next time. But what I really liked Jill was there was such power in your story and understanding like, this woman was your blood, she was your mother. There were unbelievably so all of these hidden gifts that came about as a result of you being her daughter, a couple of them being that you chose and no self loyalty and self love like no other. But that you've also gone on you have your two daughters, you have a husband, and you are nothing like the mother that your mother was to your daughters. And so it's just so I love how honest you are. But I think the number one thing that I get from when I talked to you and I remember feeling this off of our phone call is the group coaching call is it's almost like you don't have any damn excuses. You're like, I just know, this is best for me. And it actually feels empowering. To take these steps. I don't feel all the shame and guilt and all of that. I just know that I know how to choose what is best for my well being. And I think we need to hear that, you know, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 34:02 

definitely. And I'm so glad to share that. And that's what my message is about. And that's what I'm hoping will come of writing this book is that I really would love to empower and speak and motivate others. Once these stories come out. And people hear of some of these trials that I and challenges that I was through. I would love to speak on them and how I got through them and share this message because we don't have to be the victim. I mean, we just don't have to be the victim. It's always a choice. It's always a choice. 

Kim Strobel 34:30 

Well, and you are starting into your speaking business. And I would like to include your email in the show notes because you know, there could be a woman's organization or someone listening to this podcast or somebody who works with overcoming adversity who would want to contact you to do a keynote or to work with there. So is that okay, I'm going to include I'm going to include all your links, we can tell people where to find you and your email as well. Absolutely. I'm 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 34:57 

totally open to that. I'm just getting started out and I love any opportunity to share. 

Kim Strobel 35:02 

Okay, and so where can people find you, Joe, 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 35:04 

I can be found at just being jill.com. That's my website and blog. I'm also just starting to get active on Instagram at just being Joe. And I do have a Facebook group if you go to facebook.com, slash groups slash just being Joe, I'm just starting to build that community too. I'll be giving some book teasers and talking all about my book launch as it begins to happen and unfold. 

Kim Strobel 35:28 

And that's also the name of your podcast that you're going to be launching the live out loud cast live out loud, okay, live out loud. Okay, that's gonna be the podcast that launches and then God we, I know we're gonna have to have you back on when you actually get the book to the publisher. Do we have any idea what this book is going to be called? 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 35:45 

The book's title is called when the apple falls far from the tree. 

35:49 

Oh, the 

Kim Strobel 35:50 

apple falls far from the tree. Jill, that is so good. I know. So many of our listeners are already like, I wish I could order that from Amazon right now. 

35:59 

Oh, I 

Jill Krzyzanowicz 36:00 

can't wait and thank you. I hope to come back and talk about it when it does release and get ready to launch. I hope a lot of people will enjoy it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

Kim Strobel 36:08 

Absolutely. Thank you so much for your time. Jill. 

36:11 

Thank you for having me. 

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