Are you afraid of making decisions? Asking your boss for a raise? Launching your own business? Asking for what you want in your relationship?
What prevents us from taking the actions we need in our lives to get to the next level? FEAR!
Fear is one of the greatest obstacles to our success because with fear comes uncomfortableness and many people wait for uncomfortableness to leave before they act.
In this episode, I’m going to teach you why you must learn to feel uncomfortable, to feel the fear, and do it anyways!
What’s in the episode:
- Why "action" is the bridge between our inner and outer world
- The inner journey it takes to get the outer results we want
- How to move from stuckness to action
- The mindset it take to play in the arena of bigness
“Many times our fears are so strong and dramatic that they keep us stuck. ”
- Kim Strobel
If you enjoy this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram Stories and tag me, @kimstrobeljoy.
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Kim’s Happy Academy is Open!
If you’re tired of putting yourself on the back-burner and ready to learn powerful strategies for increasing your happiness levels and reclaiming your life, you might want to grab a spot on the Happy Academy Waitlist. Over 17,000 people signed up for this 10-month program last year, now it's your turn! Register at the link below!
Kim Strobel is Chief Happiness Officer at Kim Strobel Live Events and Retreats. She is a teacher, consultant, motivational speaker, happiness coach, and mission-minded person whose passion is helping others overcome their fears and discover their joy!
You can follow Kim’s journey on Instagram at @KimStrobelJoy and in the free private She Finds Joy Facebook community.
Kim Strobel 00:09
Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's episode. Oh my goodness. Well, before I get started, I have to tell you all it is like 99 degrees right now in southern Indiana. It is so hot, it is so humid. I'll tell you, my friends, it's like I'm doing everything I can to get that 40 miles in every week because it is rough. Like today, I did four miles, which I normally do five, six days a week. And today I did four and literally threw myself in someone's yard and just laid there for 10 minutes until I mustered up my strength to do the last mile. Now, here's what I know about myself. I am not a quitter. And I also know that my mind can outperform my body every time. And that's what I want to talk to you about today, I want to talk to you about fear and discomfort and overcoming challenges and pushing ourselves. And this is a really important topic to me. And I think it's because when people can learn to be okay with discomfort, when we can know that, okay, I feel really nervous taking this risk, or I feel very nervous stepping outside my comfort zone, we have to remind ourselves that it feels scary, because it's unfamiliar. But that does not mean we are incapable. And I want to say that, again. When we feel nervous stepping outside of our comfort zone, we have to remind ourselves that even though this feels scary and unfamiliar, it does not mean I'm incapable. And I want to talk to you about fear because I feel like so many of us, me included at times for sure has let fear stop me. a life that we don't have to regularly escape from. I think that so many times we do things to distract ourselves to escape from our lives. And what I want us to work on doing is creating a life that we don't have to escape from, because we are a co creator, in that process. And so let's look a little bit with and think about thoughts and feelings. Because many times I've told you all that we have to do the deep work of working on the inside of ourselves in order to get the results on the outside of ourselves in our lives. But so many times we put so much focus and so much energy and so much willpower on the things outside of us without doing the inner work that is in the deepest recesses of our mind and body. And so we're not going to get and make those leaps in our life if we're not going to do the dirty work of going within ourselves, and really looking at our inner world and our thoughts and our feelings. That's our inner world and the results that we get in our life. That's our outer world. And I think in a previous episode, I gave this analogy about the tree right so you have the tree and the tree produces fruit and if the tree is not producing wonderful fruit, you don't just focus more on the fruit You don't just concentrate more on the fruit, thinking that magically, the fruit will start to get better, you have to go to the roots of the tree you have to go to you have to nourish and fertilize the soil, you have to water, the dirt, you
have to make sure the roots are good and sturdy. And you have to do all of those things underneath the ground in order to get the fruit to flourish. And it's the same thing with our lives. Most of us don't spend time working on the inside of ourselves. And that means that over and over the same storylines keep reproducing in some form, in our lives, over and over. And so when we think about thoughts that lead to feelings and feelings that lead to actions and actions lead to results, I want you to kind of think of actions as that bridge between the inner world and the outer world. And so here's what I know, it's really freaking hard to get people to take action in their life. I, I, I see it all the time I go, and I give a really inspiring keynote, and everybody's really excited. But what I know is that 80% of those people are going to walk out of that keynote, and they're not going to do one thing that I tell them to do. Now, this is not to shame those people, because this is just like human psychology, right. And so everybody wants to be happier. Everybody wants to create a life of meaning and purpose and passion and fulfillment. But very few people are willing to take action, because of fear. Now fear, and that self doubt. And that worry, those are some of the greatest obstacles to our ability to succeed in life, but also our ability to feel happiness. And what I know is that people who feel really good in their life, a lot of the time, people who are jumping leaps and bounds people who are leveling up in different areas, people who are actually getting the change in their life. Most of the time, they are people who are willing to act in spite of fear. And I think when I think about fear, as you guys know, I know fear very intimately. Because fear has driven a huge part of my life. Fear debilitated me for years, especially around my panic disorder. I mean, I could not hardly do the simplest of things. I mean, one of my exercises with my therapist years ago was I'm going to get my car and drive the 1.2 miles to Walmart. And I'm going to tell you that that felt like you were asking me to have my arm cut off. Like, it's so illogical. But the fear was so big and so real. And I felt all of the feelings around it. But I had to feel the fear and do it anyway, I had to make myself drive the vehicle to Walmart, I had to make myself go in the front door of Walmart. And I remember at that time, my exercise was you're not only going to drive to Walmart and get out of your car and go in the front door, but you can have to walk to the very back wall and touch the wall, and then you're allowed to leave. And you guys, you're gonna think I'm being dramatic. I'm going to tell you that that felt like one of the scariest things in the world to me because I felt like I could not trust my body and mind. I felt like the walls were closing in feelings of unreality. D person where am I? Who am I? What am I doing? I need help. What's wrong with me? Is my mind crazy. I mean, all those feelings came on very intense, intensely for me. And one of my core sayings is filled fill the fear Kim, and then do it anyway. Feel the fear Kim and then act anyway. And I think that one of the biggest mistakes that many of us make is that we wait for the feeling of fear, to subside or to disappear before we are willing to act. And this means that if you're waiting for that fear to disappear before you act, you are never going to act you are not Not going to act, what you have to do is learn to tame the fear, you have to learn to know that if you are ready to go to the next level in your life, and this could be anything, this could be a relationship, this could be a new job, a new career, a new business you want to launch, this could be having a difficult conversation with your spouse, launching a new program. Signing up for an extra exercise class or a belly dancing class, you need to understand that you are going to feel uncomfortable. And if you wait until you feel comfortable, you are never going to reach those levels. You see people who experience abundant success in different areas of their life. They have doubts, they have worries, they have fears, but they don't let those feelings stop them. They act in spite of fear, they act in spite of doubt, they act in spite of worry, and uncertainty. And I want us to really think about this. I was I was recently reading this book. And the guy was talking about how he runs these seminars for people who are wanting to go from being broke to being rich, okay. And so he runs these seminars all across the country. And I was reading his his book, which is the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, because I really love to read about how we can co create our life in streamline our thoughts to manifest our best lives. And so he talks about how he was
giving this. He was doing this program, he had all these people in the room. And he said, Hey, everyone, I'm going to be holding this three Day Millionaire Mind intensive seminar, and it's going to be held in Vancouver. And the current one he was holding was in Seattle, this was like a little mini course. And he was saying that he had somebody say, hey, you know, how how long, that's really, really a long drive. If you were holding the course in Seattle, I would definitely come. But I can't, I can't I don't want to go to Vancouver, you know, I want to do this three day seminar, but I don't want to go to Vancouver. And he said, You know, I've been to this seminar, I've had a dozen family members and friends come to this seminar. They're all getting these great results. Every one of them is on the road to financial success. This is life changing. And he said, but if you were holding this three day intensive in Seattle, I would come. But I don't want to go to Vancouver. And the sky Harv Eker said he thanked this man for his testimonial. He says that's great. I'm glad you and your friends have experienced all this goodness. But he said, Hey, are you open to getting coached right now? And the guy said yes. And Harv said, I only have three words for you. Which are your freakin broke. And then Harv said, so how are you doing financially? And this guy said, well, not so good. This is why I attended this mini seminar I'm, I'm really, really broke. You know, I am here for this mini course I know I need to do the three day course. But I just you know if it was right here and convenient in Seattle, I would do it. And then here's what Harv said. He said, If you are going to let a three hour drive, or a three hour flight, or a three day trek stop you from doing something you need and want to do, then what else will stop you? Here's the easy answer, anything, anything will stop you not because of the size of the challenge, but because of the size of you. In men, he said, Either you're a person who will be stopped, or you are a person who won't be stopped and you get to make that choice. If you want to create wealth or any other kind of success. You have to be a warrior. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes. You have to train yourself to not be stopped by anything. And he goes on to talk about whatever it is this particular story was focused on building wealth, but whatever it is that you're reaching for in your life If it is not going to be convenient, it is not going to be easy. In fact, it's going to be hard. But if you are willing to only do what's easy, then life will be hard. But if you are willing to do what's hard, then your life will get easier, right? And successful people, people who are wanting more out of their life, they don't do what's easy and convenient. Okay, they do what's hard, they feel the fear, and they act anyway. And so, you know, I want you to think about this. Because when you're wanting to become more in your life, attract more in your life, create whatever it is that you're going after, when you want to level up in your life, you have to act in spite of your discomfort, because comfortable is where you are right now, right. And if you want to move to a new level in your life, you have to break through the comfort zone, you have to get off the safe lily pad, and you have to start practicing doing things that are not comfortable. And people who stay stuck, being comfortable is their biggest priority in life. Right? Being comfortable might make you feel safe, it might make you feel warm, it might make you feel secure, but it doesn't allow you to grow. And to grow as a person, you have to expand and get out of your comfort zone. Now, I know this is not easy, okay. And whatever it is that you're wanting to do with your life, it's, it's probably going to feel uncomfortable at the beginning. But if you stick with it, and you continue with it, you will eventually move from the uncomfort zone to the successful zone. And that will mean that you have now a new expanded comfort zone, which means that you will become a bigger person. All right. Because when we stay in our comfortable zone, this means that there are fewer risks we are willing to take, which means there will be fewer opportunities for us to take advantage of which means there will be fewer people we will meet in fewer strategies that you will try. So you have to think about stretching yourself. And look, I know this is not easy. You when I think about it, it makes me go back. So I am definitely more of the risk taker than my husband and I and and that's good and bad, right. But when I launched my own business and wanted to leave my very stable curriculum director's job, my husband who is like so supportive, he really freaked out, he stepped into all of his fear
based feelings that actually were a result of the home he grew up in, he grew up in a very great home. But there was zero risk taking there. In fact, it was a home of great safety and security. And so he never grew up knowing or feeling comfortable with any kind of risk at all. And this is still who he is a lot today. And so when I told him, honey, I don't I just there's every part of my soul and my being knows I'm supposed to launch my own business. And I mean, I was really scared. I was going to my coach to get help with this because I was thinking, Am I putting my family's you know, finances at stake. What if this doesn't work out? What am I you know, what am I going to do? What if it's a complete flop? How I'm going to find people to you know, I'm an I'm basically a nobody. So how are schools going to find out about me or how our business is going to find out about me? How am I going to do this? How am I going to earn some income. Not only that, but I was giving up like are really great insurance that I had for our family as a curriculum director, but I am enough of a risk taker. And I knew that everything in my body was screaming that I am supposed to do this. And that poor guy, I sent him over the edge. He had every reason in the world why I shouldn't do it. And normally, he's not like that at all. He's so supportive of me, but he just He could not get me. He was like, how are you going to find these people? What if this happens, what if that happens, you know, what, and I was like, I just know that I have to give this a try. And so I actually, I sent him to my counselor, I was like, you need, I need you behind me. Like, if I'm going to make this super scary move, I've got to have my husband behind me, I've got to have him believing in me. And so he went to counseling, and the counselor worked with him and got him there, we were both still still really scared. But you guys, that risky decision has changed every single part of my life, it really has. Now, there are still things that I want to do that I'm too scared to do right now. And so I too, am doing this work. I know that I have to get better at feeling uncomfortable, if I want to go to the next level. And so that's the question that we have to kind of ask ourselves is, am I willing to get off of my safe lily pad and start getting comfortable? Feeling uncomfortable? Am I willing to put myself into a new arena? Am I willing to chase after my dreams? Am I willing to take a risk? And many times our fears are so strong, and so dramatic, and so over emphasize that they keep us stuck. And so I really want you just to take some time, and think about how is fear showing up in your life? Ask yourself, what is fear stopping you from doing? Ask yourself? Are you somebody who chooses safety and security over and over again, rather than growth, growth? And then I want you to say to yourself, fill the fear. And do it anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Now, obviously, obviously, this doesn't mean that you can just do anything risky. I'm talking about, you got to educate yourself a little bit. I know for us, one of the things that we have a ton of fear around right now is we really want to buy a vacation home in Florida or Alabama, and use it as an Airbnb. And oh my gosh, the amount of money that that it's looking like it's going to take to do this has me completely freaked out, like I have never spent this kind of money. yet. I know that this is the next level for us. I know that making an investment in real estate, because we have some real estate here in town that we pushed ourselves on and purchased is the next step. But it feels so out of anything that I've ever done before. And so I'm doing some research, right, I'm looking, I'm calculating numbers. I'm talking to real estate people. I'm looking at homes, I'm doing comparisons. So I'm not talking about taking like an educated risk. But the problem is, is that some of us will research and it'll be a year later and we still haven't made a damn move. Okay, this is about doing some research getting your ducks in a row, but not too much in a row. And then if you still feel like it's something that might work, then giving it a try. Giving it a chance, not being afraid of failure, which is so, so hard. I was just listening to I'm not going to remember his name. It was an Indian and he's like a billionaire Indian who was featured on this podcast, his name was Kunal Shah, and Kunal Shah was saying that in India, they are not afraid to fail at all. Like they grow up with an internal blueprint that basically says, Try everything. And if you fell, you know, you probably aren't going to not have a home to live in, you're probably still going to somehow put food on the table. Like sometimes we act like it's like a life death thing if this thing doesn't work out. But he's like, we know everybody fails, we
all fail, because we're all trying stuff all of the time. And it's something that we grow up with as children. And he said, When we fail, it's really no big deal. We just start again. And I was like, wow, that's such a different social script. Then here in America, we are taught that we're not allowed to fail, that it's the end of the world if we fell, and so it was just very insightful to listen to that. Okay, folks, we, as you know, these last few episodes, I always talk to you all about the hat. The Academy. The Happy Academy is really my 10 month curriculum for how it's basically getting you into what I call the arena of bigness. It is getting you to take some big bold moves in your life, it is getting you to really work on the internal blueprint of yourself to do that deep dive journey on yourself with me holding your hand coaching you along the way, so that you can then begin to shift the things in your outer life. And so we have hundreds and hundreds of people who are joining this year's happy Academy. We only launch it once a year. It starts in August, but we do take enrollments all the way to September 1, I believe. And so it is a 10 month curriculum that I created for you. And what I did is I looked at my life in the last 20 years and I said what are the nine things that I did that really changed my life. And then I created the happy Academy out of those nine things. So this is for schools, who may be school leaders who want to look at purchasing the happy Academy for everyone in their school district or in their school. This is for individual educators. But it is also just for people who are even outside of education who say, Hey, I'm also ready to reach for more in my life. You can find everything you need for the happy Academy to sign up if you go to Strobel education.com And you're gonna go to the top menu bar where it says programs and you're going to find the happy Academy