Stop Asking for Permission

By Kim Strobel

September 11, 2019

Embrace Being the Boss of Your Own Life

Four years ago, I told my husband, Scott, that I wanted to launch my own education consultant business at the beginning of the new year. His response?

“You’d give up a stable curriculum director’s job and amazing insurance to start you own business? That feels too risky.”

That … was an unacceptable response. So I held my ground.

“Um, yes, Dear Husband. I AM going to do that. Because I believe in myself!”

Look … I get it was a risky move. And I definitely worried what might happen to our finances. BUT! I’m an adult. I’m trustworthy. And I have a pretty damn good track record … so, I was definitely gonna do this!

I knew what I wanted to do and knew I didn’t need his permission to do it.  

Consult? Yes. Ask for Permission? No!

We had MANY discussions over the next several months about my dream. This was a potentially life-altering decision for our family, so, of course, we talked about it.

And months later, Scott was still throwing a shit-ton of doubt toward my dream. So that’s when I laid down the law:

“Look, I really need you to get behind me on this. It’s super important to me, and I don’t need all of your Negative Nelly energy. So, I suggest you get yourself some counseling … because come January 1, I’m going for it.”

And he did it! He spent four months in counseling and eventually got on board with my plan.

Here’s the bottom line: Scott is my partner, not my parent. So he doesn’t get to dictate my decisions.

There’s a big difference between discussion and permission. If you feel like you have to ask your spouse for permission … well, this implies that you can’t be trusted to make a good decision by yourself, and I am just not gonna get on board with that. No way. 

I see women do this all the time, especially with finances. They have to get “permission” to spend money. It’s an old paradigm handed down from a generation where the man made all the damn decisions.   

Have you ever heard a woman say:  

“I have to ask my husband if I can sign up for that course.”

“I’ll check with my spouse to see if it’s okay to go on that girlfriend trip.”

“I need to check with my family to see if I can attend that networking event since I always put the kids to bed.”

But guess what? If your husband wants to spend money on something he really wants, I’ll bet he doesn’t bat an eye at saying “yes” to it—and he probably doesn’t ask for your permission.

Be the Badass Boss of Your Life

Ladies, it’s time to shift the craziness.

In a lot of households, the power dynamic is stuck in the 1950’s. Some may claim that women asking for their spouse’s permission is just “common courtesy.” It’s not.

And it’s not just about finances. Women are often hesitant to tell their partners what they need emotionally, physically, sexually. They’re hesitant to make themselves a priority.

Maybe you want regular time with your husband—a date night or weekend away from the kids.

Maybe you want more time with your girlfriends. Time to not be a wife or mother—just a chance to be one of the girls.

Maybe you want time for YOURSELF. Time to get a massage, take a class at the gym, meditate, binge a favorite TV show. 

But you don’t take that time. You don’t tell your partner you NEED that time. Because you’re so used to catering to what others want and not making yourself a priority. 

Hear me out, friend: Please STOP asking for permission and START asking for what you want. Love yourself enough to make this shift in your life.

Trust me … it’s OK to want for yourself.

If you want to grow, be happy, live an exceptional life, you HAVE to get over your reticence and martyrdom. You have to remind yourself that you make good decisions. You have to tell yourself:

“I am ALLOWED to go after what I need more of in my life.”

Pleasure, fun, self-care, time. You deserve it. And you need NO ONE’s permission to live life on your terms!

I’m asking you to be “that woman.” The one who asks for what she wants. The one who gives to herself. The one who knows that she matters!

Want To Know More?

Over in my private Facebook group, Women Rising, I just presented a mini-training on the topic of asking for permission. If you’re a member of the group, you can watch the video here.

If you’re NOT a member … well, first let me ask: WHY NOT?? Second, you’re missing out on access to more of these mini-training videos—plus, support from a sisterhood of women who want to shine brighter, dream bigger, and step into their power. JOIN US!

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